Snapped this in Kya Sands yesterday on the way back from Lanseria Airport.

“Yoh! A motorbike ridden by a helmet. How is that possible?!”

Leave your captions in the comments below. Awesome.

My mate Hoox’s mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 months ago. They removed it all, but she still has to undergo the very heavy task of chemotherapy for another year. After her first session, Hoox, who’s currently stationed in Albania, made a video to tell his mom she’s not alone.

From one baldy to another. Too awesome. You’re a legend, bro.

This concept seems so simple, yet not many people get it. Let me explain:

Every person has a different theory as to why they participate in social media. Some to learn from others, some hoping to teach others, most to be the first person to share something before everybody else does, etc. The one thing is, though, that we don’t really understand each other’s ways of doing things, so we just go about treating everybody like they’re at the other end of our game, without realising that we’re also on the other end of theirs. And if you’re not acting appropriately on the other side of someone else’s game, the game isn’t really successful.

Another of these ‘ways to media socially’ are the people who feel that every single part of their lives should be shared with the world. It’s no secret that I want to famous, so when I’m out doing things like comedy or MC’ing or attending rad shit, I wanna tell people. Hell, I’ve even shared about my morning bowel movements once or twice. But when it comes to the serious stuff, the really personal business (yes, bowel movements are personal, but they’re a daily occurrence and they’re funny) then that sort of thing shouldn’t be shared online.

This kind of thing needs to be shared with friends, loved ones, people who take a keen interest in your life and would be there for you when you need it the most, not the 1000ish friends you have on Facebook or your hundreds of followers on Twitter. Yes, some of them may care, but do you really need to share it all?

These are two examples lifted off Lamebook, but I’ve seen these kinds of status updates in both my Facebook and Twitter feeds by people that I know personally. I understand that sometimes you need an outlet, a place to vent and share your frustrations, but before posting this stuff, always consider what you would have done before the boom of social media. Would you have taken out a newspaper front page headline? No. You would have picked up the phone, or met up with a mate and spoken about it, live, in person. Every ounce of me wants to reply saying it’s not cool, but every time I let it slide. I understand that I’m on the other end of your game and you expect me to just understand. Well no more.

If you want to post personal things online which clearly should be dealt with offline, I’ll let you know, for free, just ‘cos I’m a nice guy like that. You have to learn somehow. And if you think your mates are doing the same, let them know, it’ll make for a much better online social experience. Although, it may affect the gems that hit Lamebook. Ok, use your discretion. Awesome.

I managed to get (read: wangled my way in) an open seat at Nokia’s The Way We Live Next 3.0 gig this morning, partly to give Rich…! some man-love should the media/blogger attendees not like what he had to say (this of course did not happen – he rocked out), and partly to see what Nokia has in store for the world.

I started writing a recap of the event, but Paul Jacobson beat me to it, and probably did a better job of it anyway. Overall, I’m lank excited about the Nokia Maps Player, and the Nokia Booklet 3G, which is one sexy little piece of equipment.

Read Paul’s post here. Awesome.

That’s my Don-ism for ‘The fear of receiving gifts and not knowing the correct amount of enthusiasm to return to present-giver whilst more than likely looking like an awkward pedo’.

I don’t like receiving gifts. Birthdays, Christmas, it’s awful. And I figured out why: I feel awkward when someone gives me something. The very bizarre thing though, is that I love to give gifts. The look on someone’s face when they figure out what it is. Priceless.

Hypocritical? Of course. A problem? Absolutely.

The reason for this post is because in a few days time I’ll be celebrating my birthday, and as like all birthdays, everyone is asking ‘What would you like for your birthday?’. My immediate response is ‘Nothing, please.’ People don’t really like this answer. I have 2 major problems with present-receiving at birthdays:

1. I suffer from Reactophobia (or Doronophobia perhaps), often feeling a sense of letdown on the present-giver’s face as my subtle non-bounce-around-the-room reaction is, well, just that. Too much enthusiasm looks like you’re acting. There’s such a fine line.

2. Why – just because I happened to be born on a specific day – do I deserve to get rewarded? If anyone should get something, it should be my folks. After all, it was their hard work that got me here in the first place. If I hit 100 years old, now that’s a feat, gimme something for that, preferably in the shape of a little blue pill and a dozen beautiful blondes. Awesome.

So I’ll keep this short and sweet: Please don’t buy me anything for my birthday. You don’t want me to feel awkward do you? And I really don’t deserve it, all I managed to do to get to this point in my life was stay alive. It’s not rocket science.

While trying to make a name for herself in the South African social media space, Nadia van der Merwe found herself on the wrong side of the critics’ good books. She created a digital resumé that she, to my understanding, wanted to use to get her name out there, displaying her knowledge and love for the industry.

Some people liked it, most thought it was a bad move. But…

The objective was to make a name for herself in the South African social media space. Whether it started out well, or not so well, today not many people are unfamiliar with the name Nadia van der Merwe. I can almost guarantee that going this particular route (the bad press) wasn’t her plan all along, but Nadia really did make a name for herself.

Did it play out how I would imagine she envisioned it? No. Did she fulfill the primary objective? Absolutely. How she capitalises on this now, however, remains to be seen.

The boys at Jo’blog were kinda jealous that we didn’t have any online social media resumé of sorts, and thought Nadia’s video was great fodder for a vid of our own too. We don’t look this good in lingerie, but we make out alright.

People always tell me I’m one of the most sharing people they know. I share my lunch, my dreams, my toothbrush and my bed. So it’s fitting that I share yet another stand-up comedy gig of mine right here on Jo’blog. Awesome.

Tattoos and stand-up comedy. These are primarily the two biggest conversations I have with people nowadays on a personal level.

What comes up more often than not are people’s longing to either do comedy or get a tattoo, but they just never had the guts to go through with it, almost always blaming the ‘too scared to get on stage’, or the ‘permanence’ or ’soon-to-be-boredom’ with tattoos. It’s like a broken record.

I’ve been creating and writing comedy for as long as I can remember. I was fortunate enough to have a group of friends, including my family, who could see humour in everything, which led me to begin writing things down so that I could one day use it, either on stage, TV or in film.

A few years ago when I was doing video production I did some work with Riaad Moosa. On the last day of shooting, we were leaving the set and he shouted across the parking lot “Get on stage Don!”, after our earlier conversation about open comedy spots at Cool Runnings in Melville. It was an awesome thing to hear from someone like him. So I continued to write comedy, but never really considered getting on stage to actually use it.

Then last year we were invited to Missing Link for a talk by John Vlismas about creativity, and obviously used comedy as an example. One of the guys asked him how people can get into it and he mentioned the open spots on Sunday nights at Cool Runnings. At that stage of my life I needed something to occupy my mind and free time, so after the talk I asked John how to book a spot, and got the number. Three days later, while driving to a meeting, I phoned Whacked Management and booked myself a spot. I put the phone down and felt like vomiting. It was honestly one of the scariest things I had to do. Taking that first step was huge, but now it was done, and all I had to do was show up and perform.

Long story short, I performed my first gig (which very few people have seen) and even though I look back on it now and think it wasn’t even close to what I’d expect to be a good set, I walked off stage feeling like I’d wrestled a lion, and tamed the bastard. No-one can ever explain that feeling of total bliss. Too rad.

The thing is, the big step wasn’t actually getting on stage, it was taking that first step and getting booked in. Once I knew I had to do it, I knuckled down and made it happen. I wrote a set, I consulted friends, I perfected it so that I could deliver as effective a show as possible. Now I just can’t get enough.

This doesn’t only apply to comedy or getting a tattoo. What, in business, are you thinking about doing but are too scared to implement? Do you have an idea that could possibly help your business? The worst that can happen is you fail, but at least you can say you tried.

This post (although old, but definitely still relevant) explains how, while few CEOs are as candid about the potential for failure as Isdell, many are wrestling with the same problem, trying to get their organisations to cosy up to the risk-taking that innovation requires. “Everyone fears failure. But breakthroughs depend on it. The best companies embrace their mistakes and learn from them.”

It goes back to that saying “You always regret the things you didn’t do.” You’ll never know unless you’ve tried.

Just do it.

So I was shopping in the Spar earlier and I saw this beut:

That’s African confidence for you, fuck all that medical specialisation bunk, we’re stronger than that in Africa. It’s one size fits all or nothing.

Cure beats prevention, so really, who needs condoms when you have Izifozonke, eh?

Well, that and garlic, of course…!

Thicker sliced bread. I’ll explain.

Just to set the scene: Every morning after gym I devour a can of tuna, 3 boiled eggs and a slice of toast. I buy Albany ‘Best of both’, just to kid myself into believing it is in fact healthier than white bread. Let me live in this delusion. Thanks.

This morning, while cutting my toast into fingers to dip into the soft boiled eggs (yes, I still do that) I noticed that the slice was thicker than usual. I don’t know how I came to that, maybe I have a toast-thickness gift. Anyway, so I have a look at the bag of bread and realise that all the slices are in fact thicker than normal, which leads me to one observation: Sneaky Albanians.

Albany are smart. Here’s why:

- You buy a loaf of bread on size, not slices

- It takes 2 slices to make a sandwich

- Fewer slices in a bag means fewer sandwiches

- You buy more bread to make more sandwiches

Simple.

It reminds me of the story of the cleaning lady at a toothpaste company who suggested to make the hole bigger in order for consumers to use more, which means sell more. Dentists prescribe using a pea-sized amount, but we all know, because the adverts show us, that a line across the brush is where it’s at.

So this all makes me wonder if any other brands, particularly food, are using techniques like this in these hard times. Wouldn’t be surprised. Sneaky fuckers.

John Vlismas is at it again.

From the press release sent to the handsome young devils at Jo’blog:

John Vlismas’ new one-man show promises a twist like never before. Vlismas says that the show will be 70 mins of dark observation, outrageous opinion and thought-provoking belly laughter – all without the use of his signature foul language.

“I was challenged by someone that I couldn’t be funny without swearing. Obviously, I told him to *&(^& himself while his mother &*^% $&% the *^&^ of a sailor with her &^%%^ while the dockyard dog (*&^ his )(*&). But then I thought about it. How hard could it be to make a show just as challenging, just as dangerous and just as funny as I always want them to be without using all my favourite words? If Julius Malema can get where he is, and George Bush can score two terms, and Steve Hofmeyer can survive a suicide bombing by his own colon, why can’t I be “black and clean?”

For fans of the filth, Vlismas vows that they won’t even realise that it’s missing.

Be sure to book for this award-winning maniac’s new show, as Vlismas has asked management to keep the venues small and intimate, like his beloved Comedy Underground, the spiritual home of dark comedy in SA.

Awesome. We’re looking forward to this, as always.

Recently I fulfilled one of (one of, I have many) life-long dreams to get on stage and do stand-up comedy. Turns out I’m not too shit at it, have done a couple more gigs since, and plan to do plenty more. Good times.

Here’s my latest vid, performed at Cool Runnings in Melville on 1 March 2009.

Check out my previous gigs and some other fun stuff on my YouTube channel here. Rad.

John Vlismas must be, in our opinion, one of the smartest people we know. We know a lot of smart people and consider ourselves smart mo’fo’s too, so that’s saying a lot. But not only is he an awesome comedian, being intellectually creative, he’s creative with his hands too. Dude, give the rest of us a chance here!

Join John (the Jo’blog boys will be there too) for his debut exhibition. Should be awesome.

Telana Simpson is one amazing woman. She started a project over 2 years ago to try trade office space, for one matchstick.

Eh? You may be asking yourself. Yup, that’s right, but not a direct trade. She’s trading up incrementally to finally get the offices she dreams of for her company, as well as contributing some space to mentoring a start-up entrepreneurial enterprise.

Her trades so far: One matchstick for a green ballpoint pen for a fluffy frog for 3 business books for 18 bottles of wine for a holiday in Utopia for 3 grand cash for a balloon safari with champagne breakfast for two.

If I’m not mistaken, right now she’s looking for an iPhone to trade for the balloon safari.

Any takers to fulfill this dream?

Right, so, I’ve never been the biggest lover of rainy days. People always think I’m crazy, saying things like “But you can snuggle up on the couch with some popcorn and a movie” or “It’s the best weather to have sex”.

Now, I totally understand those points.

But…

When last have you snuggled up to a movie when it’s raining? How often do you shag when it’s raining? These things are ONLY possible on the weekend, and if you don’t have other things to sort out on the weekend you must have a pretty easy (read: boring) life. I always have things to do on the weekend. Shopping. Socialising. Gym. Work. The occasional extreme sport. I don’t have time to do nothing, which is my fault, perhaps, but this is what I choose. Apart from helping things grow, the rain sucks. Why?

1. People drive terribly…

2. …causing more accidents

3. It erodes the road I live in

4. It messes with my hair

5. It hides the sun

6. It makes everything wet and slippery

7. Thousands of people have to wash their cars the following day

8. It makes dogs smelly

9. You can’t go for a walk in the park, or on the beach

10. It makes emo kids happy. Which defeats the point of being emo.

There are probably more reasons, but at this point I think these will suffice. Go away rain, I want hot sun and plenty of it. Ta.

The ever-growing comments on my Free Advertising post from 2006 (702 comments to date, with only the 1st one being an actual comment to my post, thanks Peas) has generated some beauties, some real classics in terms of how people advertise. Every now and again, out of sheer curiosity, I’ll follow a URL to see if what each commentator posts is truly what you’ll get. Here is the latest:

Hi there we Specialise in web hosting and design
Websites From R99 A month.
R2250 for 5 page website design
R1250 for 3 page website design
R500 for 1 page website design
Monthly hosting R99 on any website
We also Specialize in Printing , signage, buisness cards , flyers , badges our current specials are:
500 full colour gloss business cards @349
5000 full colour flyers A5 gloss @1450
Badges R30 each
Magnet car signage A3 @ R190
Please contact us regarding any of these offers on
cell:0734569788
Best Regards
Riche’

Right. I’m gonna give you my thoughts before I actually give you the link. So where to begin? Ok:

As the site loads, an untreated, untrained voice welcomes you to his site (his name is not Riche’). The voice then proceeds to read, yes, read the text on the front page to you, just in case you didn’t like the sound of your own voice reading it to yourself in your head.

My best though is when he stumbles his words. Classic. No ‘Oh shit I buggered it up let’s re-record’, they’ll just use as is, because, who really cares, right? It’s only a website, and we sell website solutions, who will really judge us? I mean, really!

During two of the stumbles, however, and this really blows my mind, he realises that there’s a word missing from the text on the page, so he pauses, figures it out, and adds in the correct word. Apart from the re-record possibility mentioned earlier, what really worries me is that they haven’t added the words onto the page after realising that they’re missing. Because, who really needs those words to make the sentences correct? People will figure it out, c’mon!

The cherry on top, and yes, I waited for it, is that the voice is repeated. Over. And over. And over again. I just don’t understand.

Also:

- The Our Services page reads Our Serviecs.

- How we work is riddled with spelling errors.

- Recent designs doesn’t have links on the thumbnails.

- About us is exactly the same, barring two spelling corrections, as How we work.

- Contact us produces a ‘404 not found’ error.

- Their 3 packages (Starter, Premium and Business) have a ‘click to order’ button below, but all 3 go to the same email addy, with no defining subject lines, not making it as easy as possible for the consumer to order what he wants, so he has to fill it in himself. Now, more than ever, you need to make it super-crazy easy for someone to give you their money. And it’s not a difficult thing to do, it’s a tiny bit of code, which even I could do, and that’s saying a lot!

The whole site is a bit of a ‘mare really.

So maybe I’m being horrible. I know there are plenty of sites out there which are just as horrid as this one, but I still can’t get over this one little fact:

If you are selling something, no matter what it may be, you need to be absolutely sure that you, yourself, portray the ultimate in what it is you do.

How can you expect people to trust you to deliver on a professional, effective product if what you have created for yourself is far from up to scratch?

If you don’t look after yourself, why should I believe you’d look after me?

I’ll never get it.

Oh, link here.

So I was sitting with my son the other day eating some Corn Flakes (still love ‘em) when I saw a blurb on the box:

Hmmm…

“Mom’s know best…” no need for an apostrophe there.
“Kelloggs Corn Flakes…” there is however a need for one here (it’s your own brand!).
“Childrens energy levels”  here too.

I don’t know what’s worse, that the mistakes appear at all, or that they appear in a sentence about improving your kid’s energy and concentration levels, “allowing them to perform at their best.”

Oh the irony…!

Mobile social network The Grid today launches Mobikasi, South Africa’s first geo-tagged documentary for cellphones, which explores youth culture in Soweto. Mobikasi utilises The Grid’s LBS (location-based service) capabilities to tag real-life physical locations and link them to relevant documentary content.

Users can explore Sowetan youth culture on their cellphones from anywhere in South Africa through The Grid’s map interface, or by physically touring the famous township and watching documentary clips on their phones at the locations where they were shot.

The location-based documentary looks at people, music, fashion, social issues and places of interest. Instead of showing the twenty-five minute documentary in a linear fashion from start to finish, Mobikasi splits the content up into twenty-five inserts of one minute each. Each one-minute clip covers a different topic that is relevant to the youth in Soweto and is
geo-tagged to the location where it was shot. This means that viewers can now explore Soweto’s vibrant youth culture by virtually “travelling” through a mobile streetmap of the township and stopping off at various locations to enjoy the one-minute video clips.

The first Mobikasi ‘episode’ features, among others, a street fashion crew called the Smarteez, music producers Hempza and Vikinduku, a popular hair braider named Anna and the reigning Miss Soweto, Rochelle Mothapo. Also featured are Soweto’s premier hangouts Sedibeng, Back Room and the popular Sunday buy-and-braai spot Panyaza.

Vodacom’s Executive Head of Mobile Advertising and Social Media, Rick Joubert, says, “Soweto is a very exciting space. There is always so much happening and it’s often the youth driving this forward.

“We didn’t want to do the usual ‘township tour’ to showcase The Grid’s new LBS technology. We wanted to give people and the rest of the world a glimpse into the future of South Africa and what is hot and happening at street level. What better way than to launch Mobikasi, the world’s first geo-tagged doccie for cellphones?”

How do I view Mobikasi?
Mobikasi can be viewed on The Grid through your cellphone or through The Grid website. To get onto The Grid, simply SMS ‘Mobikasi’ to 33313 (SMS charged at 50c, normal VAS rates apply) or visit wap.thegrid.co.za/mobikasi on your phone.

Once on The Grid, visit the Mobikasi group to watch the documentary clips and explore the excitement of Soweto youth culture.

Here’s the promo:

Mobikasi Promo Video from Cow Africa on Vimeo.

I wouldn’t mind seeing a few more of these around the world, rad way to explore from the comfort of your sofa…