COLIN PRETORIUS is right.

RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND RICHARD MULHOLLAND

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

(A bit longer, say, about a week)

Now click here…!

Update: Well paint me red and call me Susan. It worked!

A colleague of mine went to the Werner’s Bistro last night, with the chairman if his company. The bistro, in Bedford View is apparently all the rage at the moment.

After a Waldorf salad was delivered with no nuts, they complained to the waitress, who called the manager, Zelda. She grumbled rudely without helping the matter and went off.

A few minutes later Werner himself came out with a tray of salad ingredients and told Craig and co, “Make your own fucking salad!”

So if you don’t get enough abuse during the day, and the basic fundamentals of service bore you, Werner’s may be for you.

It’s like something out of a Monty Python skit…!

I know it’s late, but it was my birthday on Monday. For posterity, and because I’m a braggart, I decided to compile a list of things I got, that you didn’t:
1. Shaun of the Dead, DVD
2. Dawn of the Dead, DVD
3. Donnie Darko, DVD
4. Smashing Pumpkins – Greatest hits, DVD
5. Ozzy Osbourne velvet slippers, black
6. Door mat that says ‘Beware the owners’
7. Carcass – Choice cuts, CD
8. Dark Tranquility – Exposures, CD
9. Glass chess set
10. Lotto Plus ticket, 1 (thanks Don)
11. Macbre Miscellany – Geoffrey Abbott, book
12. Booze, assorted
13. Girls feeling each others’ boobs, kissing etc. (I have pics)
14. Gay, yet functional, bag
…and lots more

You get the picture. If that’s not a wish list for you non-birthday folk, I don’t know what is.

Come one and all, and join the fun over at Martin’s post.

Bring your boxing gloves…!

The lady and I were doing a bit of shopping on Saturday before D’ave’s birthday party (it’s his birthday today) and felt a bit peckish, so we decided to get a boerie roll from a couple with a skottel braai outside Pick ‘n Pay.

There were two left, but we ordered one to share. The guy looked at me with the worst puppy-dog eyes and said, “Now we only have one left to sell, then we can go home and watch the rugby.” To which I responded, “So you eat it!”

People shouldn’t try (badly) to sell something people don’t want. The little bastard got us in the end though, the inside was raw and we had to go home and cook it longer anyway. Serves me right? Or would I have had two raw boeries? Only he knows…

I’m telling myself that today so that I don’t feel so old. There’s something about ticking over a decade that makes you, well….shit yourself a little.

Truth be told though, I got all the cheering up I needed in the form of (a ton of) presents and cake, visiting my family in Cape Town for the weekend was a great idea.

Happy Birthday to me…!

The store manager of Pick ‘n Pay at Coachman’s Crossing in Bryanston is definitely putting smiles on some wrinkly faces.

All day, every day, there’s a trolley at the front of the store full of bunches of flowers for the elderly to take home with them, for free.

What a nice guy.

Thanks to Jan for the pic.

Haha… Seriously. I just laughed at the heading!

The time has come for some changes to be made to Jo’blog. Yes, yes, I know that you are all shocked, as were we when we first caught wind of the news. The changes have come about because of Don not being happy with his presence at Jo’blog. He forced us to take drastic measures in terms of changing our Jo’blog corporate id.

Don wasn’t entirely happy with how his hair came across in the banner image. He recreated his image and forced us to upload the new banner. Although we were all opposed to the change we have decided that it is probably for the better.

Before

After

I seriously hope you do. For the uninitiated, wikipedia is a free online encyclopedia, that gets populated and edited by anyone who wants to. Simply search for a topic of interest to you and see what’s said, and if you have something to add, go ahead, but please, don’t abuse the system by adding silly things like this to the listing for South Africa:

Blush…!

Do you ever travel and miss home? If you do then Detroit could well be the holiday destination for you, with their proposed Africa Town (thanks Adam), you’ll never want for anything.

Some expected highlights:

- You need to bribe your way in

- Military coup theme parks

- Land re-distribution parties

- Travel in the van during a real life cash-in-transit heist

- The restaurants don’t actually have any food to serve

- You have a one in five chance of leaving with AIDS

- Random fatal giraffe attacks (I shit you not)

They’d also have the hottest woman on the planet, so I’m there…!

Yes, yes, thank you very much. We had some characters come through to our offices today to ask us a few questions on the whole blogging thing. With all these bright lights setup all over the place the interrogation started. “What are blogs?” – “Why did you start blogging?” – “When did D’ave come out of the closet?” – All these questions were flung at us and we did our best to answer as well as possible.

From left: D’ave, Don and myself.

D’ave just came by my laptop as I was typing this entry and asked me to let all the schoolgirls know that he actually didn’t come out and that they must feel free to comment and leave their cell numbers.

And that and that, and some of this, oh, and a little of this one too!

A Reiger Park man stabbed his wife’s lover 22 times, with five different kitchen knives! He fetched a new knife when he felt the one he was using became too blunt. How do you tell when a knife that you’re thrusting into another living being becomes too blunt?

Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

In other news, last night’s rain was an attempt by the weather gods to fool us all! All my hard work gardening this weekend is more than likely gonna be pointless, expect a really hot summer countrywide.

Update: 1. It’s still raining in Jo’burg, 2. This is the last time I do a weather forecast!

Thanks to Globalvote 2004, the rest of the world can now feel a bit empowered about the American elections, as we have a voice of our own against Bush, too.

The results will be published, communicated to the media and emailed to those of us who voted online. Which is cool, because they have no other effect apart from information.

Go cast your vote, world. I voted for for Michael Badnarik, from the Libertarian Party, because:
a) He’s not Bush
b) My birthday’s in October, which makes me a Libertarian too

If my vote actually counted, I would put it behind John Kerry, but only because he’s the only one right now with a hope of ousting ol’ Big Ears. Although, I have a feeling that even if Kerry wins, we would only have a new head of state to despise. Oh, well. The lesser of two evils, and all that.

Hopefully.

Sigh.

I do not understand. I know its become a cliché, but another politician is going to court on fraud and corruption charges. The difference is that this time, it’s none other than the man primed to take over from President Mbeki, Jacob Zuma. He’s been strongly connected with Schabir Shaik, and a very dubious arms deal, and will appear in Durban court shortly. And he is just another, in an all too long list of high profile leaders, busted by the Scorpions.

Just because you played a role in freeing the country, does not give you the right to fuck it up now.

Just the other day I read that Winnie Madikizela-Mandela has been included in the Top 10 South Africans list, which is also bizarre. If you remember, she’s the one responsible for torture, corruption, the death of 14 year old Stompie Seipei and, more recently, fraud.

Also, let’s not forget our cops, the ex Scorpions head, and Hansie.

And we know everybody else in parliament is confident, based on their reactions to corruption accusations. Nothing to hide, hmm, the rest of you?

It’s a bleak picture that Google Alerts and News 24 paints in my inbox every morning, and I find it increasingly difficult to stay positive about the future of our wonderful country.

All I need is a militia and an arsenal of weaponry, and I’ll sort this place out. Maybe I should ask Zuma to help me out?

Grab your torches and pitchforks! Who’s with me?!

Hire the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Plain and simple. Do this and your little empire will fall.

I wrote this a few weeks ago and stand by it 100%, but that’s just security guards. I was chatting to a friend yesterday about her new boss who’s in charge of their whole marketing division. He was hired purely because he’s a man of colour, and now their BEE division are patting themselves on their backs for such good work. I am all for equality, (gender, race, you-name-it), but when people are hired just for the colour of their skin, is that not a bit stupid?

I know all about the South African laws of having certain percentages of black management, and boo-ya to them, I reckon Apartheid was really shit, but the person that is hired needs to know about the business. They wouldn’t hire a white guy that knew nothing, so what makes it better by hiring a black guy that knows just as little? If it needs to be done, do it properly.

My friend was telling me what a really nice guy he is, except he has no idea about their line of business, therefore whenever decisions need to be made, he calls a meeting to get a ‘group opinion’. How unfair is that? So if things blow up in his face, he can hold the whole group responsible for the balls-up. Maybe he doesn’t want to take responsibility, or he’s just way too unsure of what actually needs to be done so he spreads the buck evenly around the whole department so his arse is covered.

Either way it was a very dumb move on the company. People are running around like chickens with their heads cut off because they don’t know what they need to do, and this oke can’t, and therefore won’t, tell them. The right people for the right job. I stick to that. Wake up South Africa. Think, prepare, ‘cos right now, you’re being stupid.

Spotted this on my way to meet …/Ant this morning. It made me smile:

Not much does that at 7am on a Monday…!

Man I hate the Corsa Lite ads. They’re a lesson on how to rape a perfectley good idea. When they first aired, everyone was talking about them, they were fresh, new, and funny. Now of course, they’re just long past their sell-by date (watch this space).

Urban legend has it that the art-director and copywriter (Brad and Graeme) ran the client through the concept doing the voices themselves, the client loved the idea, so much so that s/he was insitent that the guys do the voices in the real ads too. Thus, when you heard the giggle at the end of the advert, you knew why (because it was improv), and it was cute, and fun.

But for fuck’s sakes, enough is enough. That fake, forced/canned laughter at the end of each spot kills me. More, it insults me, it’s so contrived. However, I’m obviosly wrong, the ads won so many Loeries afterall.

Hahahahehehe…!