But punctuation (read these comments) is no game…!

(Spotted by Robbie)

For more fine journalism, on par with Derek and Sean, you need simply glance at the front page of today’s Star. Cindy Mathys’ expose titled “Life as usual for Harry’s new friend” revealed these shocking new insights:

Shocking! She should be dragged into the streets and shot.

(Want more? Read the full story here. Respect to IOL for fixing the typos)

Nearly as gripping as this guy’s stuff…!

You see what happens when you ignore all the rules?

Nice tats though…!

A Cape Town man threw a relative’s baby out of a fourth floor window in Sea Point yesterday. The child died at the scene.

I’m struggling to put into words what I’d do to you if I ever met you face-to-face. Do yourself a favour, slit your own throat and get on the express train to hell, ‘cos people are gonna do a lot worse to you if you stick around.

Amor Vittone made the front page of today’s Sunday Times, she achieved this simply by trying not to be featured on page 39.

Basically the Times wrote a cheap and tacky piece (and it really was) that Amor tried to “gag”, she failed, so they published the piece, then promoted it by writing about the failed gag attempt on page 1.

Amor, shit, get a clue, if you hadn’t made a noise about the whole thing no-one would have taken it seriously. I mean really, the article had quotes from unnamed sources like:

“Vittone’s penchant for loud and jokingly farting while on photography shoots”

The journo, Sean O’Toole (proof that people do fit their name), also blatantly twisted her words wherever possible to make her look like a giggly bimbo. The whole thing would have fitted better in People Magazine.

However, she doesn’t learn, she’s also suing Loslyf for running pics of a look-a-like model with her rack out, claiming that it’s not her. Oh, for goodness sake woman, all you’re doing is selling more copies of the magazine on the controversy card. So what if your right tit popped out once, shit, some people use that kinda thing to rescue a failing career…

Unless of course that’s what you’re doing too…!

As much as we appreciate the exposure, there were three people that afforded you the courtesy of their time, not two.

We’re not amused…!

Tack makes a pretty valid point…!

Hmmm, I wonder if the Divine Sarmie came in this lunch-box?

Thanks Dror, he actually owns this tupperware / tasteful memorial to a loved one.

Ebay it bro…!

If you’re missing one of two beer-bellied drunkards that had a big night at Banbury Cross in Northriding last night, worry no more. Jo’blog’s Detective Don has found them, in the parking lot.

If you recognise this pale leg and far-from-new running shoe, or the side profile of the oke on the passenger seat, get your vocal cords ready, ‘cos I bet they’re in some serious shit.

Good work guys, at least we know you weren’t on the road after a bender like I’m sure it had to have been.

Detective Don, signing off.

Or ‘Wouldn’twant2meetinadarkalley’!

News24 have a side-column section called Love2meet.

Who would send this scare-fest their details?

Dare to date?

How about ‘Dare to send a better photo’?

I originally wanted to post to get rid of the dildo pic at the top of our page, but this really boggled my mind. Sorry tanya233, but couldn’t you have chosen/taken a better photo? It looks like you’ve just seen a horror movie and your mates shone a torch in your face and took the photo.

‘i am full of energy and fun’ should continue with ‘when I have a kitten in one hand and a razor blade in the other.’

‘Never a dull moment when i am around’… ‘because people are running around screaming for me to drop the razor blade.’

I could go on and on. tanya233, invest in a camera with a flash, and a mirror to practice smiling.

SA sex shops might get the axe. Officials are wondering if most sex shops have legal licenses and if they actually serve any particular goal.

Are they dense? Of course they serve a goal! They serve the lonely, the ugly and the adventurous to get their jollies off on watching other people knobbing, as well as providing tools for self and mutual pleasure.

Simple.

Armand has linked to not one, but three fan sites for local bank 20twenty. This is crazy, fan sites for banks, that shit is special. What do these guys do that’s so right that they’re able to get this kind of customer evangelism going?

- Mad about 20Twenty

- Forums2022.net

- 20twenty fans.org.za

Now, even if these are just sneaky sites by cunning marketers, they’re working, cos people are signing up.

Much respect…!

To hell with Subservient Chicken. Hopefully we are seeing a trend being started here with a subservient bar-wench. Super, except that the inevitable nudity you’ll be hoping for, is blocked out. But, she does serve beer and, again, it beats the hell out of a guy in a chicken suit.

Bit of fun. Tell her to ‘kiss’, for about the most entertaining bit. Actually, the ’starjumps’ weren’t bad, either.

Addition: And she’s limbre!

I posted this on “Hello_World” originally, but figured a lot of you more locally minded folk need to see it too.

But D’ave did, and so did Rudolph, so much so that he’s asked us to link to his mate’s petition to bring it back.

I really have no idea why you guys want that mindless rubbish back, but hey it’s a cause, and I’m so damn punk rock I’m going to support you on principle. If you, my funny geeky friends, want to watch grown men run around wearing tin foil, then you damn well should be able to.

Nano nano…!

My insurance company sucks balls.

The lady that I’ve been dealing with claims (hehe.. claims) that she’s bogged down with things to process so that’s why she hasn’t been getting back to me. So I phone to chase up on what’s going on, again, and I’m told she’s on a lunch break.

Do these people not have a sense of urgency? We’ve been getting minimal sleep to do our jobs and please clients, while this lady fart-arses around without a care in the world.

Needless to say I’m changing insurers as soon as I can. Anyone have any suggestions? I’d really love to hear your opinions.

Watch this space…!

(via Adam)

100 ZA Ronds if you get it right.

Nice parents…!

Yup, it’s been way quiet on the Jo’blog front lately, work’s just been crazy. I feel I should apologise for this, but I’m not going to.

Instead, I’m going to go spend all the lovely money…!

I read in this morning’s Citizen a great story about poor Jerome Visage who gave in to a call-of-nature. Now I’m the first to admit that when you gotta go, you gotta go. I also believe that is a privilege of my gender to be able to go wherever and whenever I want to.

But I just can’t fathom what was going through young Jerome’s (18 at the time) head when he decided to pee in a power sub-station. 45% burn wounds later, he realised his error in judgment.

All’s well that ends well though, Jerome was just awarded R 345.000.00 in an out-of court settlement for his trouble.

He’s due on the motivational speaker circuit any day now…!

Biz-community is talking about the new Virgin Upper-Class suite advert (1.8mb), and while I really like it, I’m amazed by one absolutely ludicrous thing. As the ad reaches the end and you’re introduced to the suite itself, however, instead of showing it to you, they show you a prototype-style animation. Are they fucking crazy? I’ve flown Virgin’s upper-class service, it’s amazing, you’d think they would want to show you the real thing, not some crap animation.

However, no one was worried about showing the suite, they just cared about the fun idea, and I’ll admit, it really was great, but why does it all have to fall apart when it comes to the content?

What an industry…!