Near-death experience
Posted by Rich...! under Uncategorized on November 7 2004 at 10:17 PM
So I was just sitting on the crapper, enjoying some me time reading The Da Vinci Code, when the biggest Parktown Prawn I have ever seen scuttled past me. To say the least I shat myself so bad, I couldn’t.
Moments later, pants on and armed with a man sized wad of bog roll, I went on the hunt. I cornered the bastard behind the gas heater and with all the manliness I could muster I threw the toilet paper (2-ply I think), alas the beast was not beaten easy, it jumped from its papery cage with a look of pure hatred, by this time my heart was pounding a rhythm that would make any nu-metal drummer proud. My life flashed before my eyes, but just as I was about to surrender, something clicked and I pounced screaming “I’M NOT READY TO DIE!”, before I knew what I was doing I had it in the toilet paper, but I squeezed a bit tight and heard a loud popping noise. Man, I’ll never, ever, forget that smell.
It’s definitely time to move house…!
November 7th, 2004 at 11:43 pm
You grabbed it? No way dude, the only way to deal with PPs is to unload half a can of Doom on them, and hope they peg before they unload their goop of doom.
No way I’d try to make contact with them while they’re alive, no matter how much bogroll was between me and them
November 8th, 2004 at 5:13 am
How could you?! Parktown Prawns are marvellous creatures, as mutant, as “mal”, and as larger-than-life as any humans who have ever been crazy enough to make their home in Gauteng. Next time, just grab a big Tupperware dish and a broomstick, coax the Parkie in, close the lid, and gooi them into the garden, where they will go happily to work keeping lesser pests under control. And stop being such a wimp, for heaven’s sake. They can’t bite you, and they are as much a part of the scenery of Jo’burg as Hyde Park kugels and freelance parking attendants.
November 8th, 2004 at 8:52 am
Dude, do you think for a second that I had the guts to squash that sucker? It was a mistake, my plan was to toss it into my neighbours garden…!
November 8th, 2004 at 9:54 am
Oh, okay, got it. That’s a good plan. Always works for me. Just make sure your neighbours are nice people who wouldn’t harm a mutant creature who wouldn’t harm them. The only thing I don’t like about Parktown Prawns is they way they invariably wind up in your swimming-pool…one Kreepy-Krauly per pool, I find, is more than enough.
November 8th, 2004 at 10:12 am
I’m sorry. I am of the vegetarian persuation, which means I have an enormous respect for all life yadda yadda yadda.
Parktown Prawns are the Devil’s own little buddies. Near unkillable, aggressive and scary as all hell. Even I have little sympathy for them.
November 8th, 2004 at 12:27 pm
Shit that was funny. Makes me think back to varsity – one of the guys in the res had a symbiotic relationship with one particular Parktown Prawn.
He’d leave his half-eaten chops and left-over 2-minute noodles around his room for the PP to chow on, while the PP somehow kept the cockroaches and other nasty infestations out.
This PP was huge and fairly strong, evidenced when the PP was trapped under a metal trashcan. It simply moved around by nudging the trashcan from within. Nasty stuff.
November 8th, 2004 at 5:24 pm
what a woes!
i suppose you dont even eat seafood cause it looks so damn ugly…
November 12th, 2004 at 12:29 pm
Near-death experience for Rich…!
Rich…! over at Jo’blog seems to have had a near-death experience involving a Parktown Prawn and a roll of 2-ply toilet paper. Go read it – it’s some nasty stuff.
November 15th, 2004 at 12:53 pm
Freakout. I suffer from PPP. Parktown Prawn Phobia. But fellow Splattermail bloggger smg has discovered the best way to deal with them: cover them with a bucket, wait three or four days, and then uncover them. Voila! – ants are particularly good at killing and dismantling PP’s. After three trappings, the only remains we’ve discovered is a single hind leg.
November 22nd, 2004 at 10:19 am
creepy!!! … i was busy cleening my pool yesterday. i back washed and what pops up. the biggest PP i’ve ever seen. Hydraucloric acid did the trick …
January 21st, 2005 at 9:01 pm
I hate those MF’s as well! Just had a bit of an experience with one a few mins ago. I’ve seen between 8 and 10 since living here in JHB (2 years), but this was definately the biggest one I’ve ever seen! I find RAID in the silver can everntually kills them, so I RAIDed it. We’ll see his remains in the morning…..he’s lying on my verandah!
We have so much crime here in JHB, why on earth were we still cursed with Prawns?????
PS : I have small collection of dead prawns killed by if anyone is interested. I HATE them Mo’fo’s…
January 28th, 2005 at 9:59 am
Have you ever had your kids screaming hystericaly in their bedrooms at night, you come running to find the boogeyman and crunch something under your foot as you sprint into the room.I can handle blood ,rotten food , snakes whatever but parktown prawns -no way they’re destined for a toilet flushing. The other monsters can stay in my garden but not PPs. RIP
November 10th, 2005 at 7:17 am
I have found that if you throw a brick at it, it will throw the brick right back at you. If you spray it with doom, it will lay there and sort of bathe in it. If you stomp it, you find yourself sitting with and infestation. I would like to know, how does one effectively irradicate them for good? Why do you never see them when they are small, only when they are gigantic and ready to take on the world?
November 24th, 2005 at 3:09 pm
Im just about ready to move out of my place after having 3 encounters with one of “the worlds most ugliest creatures”…im totally freaked out by them, especially after living in Durbs all my life!!
November 28th, 2005 at 9:57 am
Im also a hater of these “oversized creatures” also want to know why you never see them as babies???? I do know that if you can find their home underground you take “hot water with dishwashing liquid” and pour and pour and pour. As when you see one creeping in your house. Where i live i see at least 4 a week!!!! enough to give me nightmares cause if you dont get the hot water in time they dissapear and then you spend the rest of the night not watching anything but the floor!!!! any way back to getting rid of them, hot water, dishwashing liquid and then throw over them. (yes ok to all of you that are pp lovers, sorry, i dont kill creatures but these ones are just to awful to cope with, so a when i kill one i just think that im washing the floor!!!!!
February 9th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
GLAD 2 see i am not the only one that hates these …….. i dont know what to call them they are horrible have tried everything to get rid of them but they just keep coming and coming …
i see at least one a day thats not counting bonus days when they want to surprise me in the garden 2
i want a solution where i can be 20m away at least and be rid of them forever – Doom and Raid loves me as i spray at least one tin per PP – so you can imagine the look on peoples faces when they see me shopping??? they must think i am trying to gas the world
October 5th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
We are looking for a breeding pair to export to Europe. Reverse colonisation and besides they will never understand what we live with…
October 15th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Reckon the chins might dig ‘em huh
October 30th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
The way those things stare at you, they think they are at the top of the food chain. I say kill the bastards!!!!!!! Before they really do mutate and take over the world
November 19th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
I have removed about 5 of these Mother F$^+@&’s from my lounge and I found that leaving them in the Black bins for a day on the summer heat does the trick. These bugger’s from outerspace are dead when I get back but the thought of stepping on one of these ouks is just not on. Regards Jerry from Parktown teritory
March 10th, 2008 at 6:14 am
You picked it up?!? Are you nuts?!? My mom, my dog, my cat and I are all effing scared of them. We used to live in this house near a vlei and we used to get at least 2 a week crawling into the house via the floorboards. We used to scrunch up paper and throw it all over the floor so that we could hear them walking around at night. I found that Target for Crickets in the green can (if I remember correctly) usually did the trick. And yes, they do bite, the males have huge mandibles which are razor sharp.
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Have you ever had one while you sleep at night and you feel something moving in your bed, well when i lifted up my sheet there where 4 of them snuggeling against me for the heat i think. Jumped up and got the Raid and Raided it and lit the fumes so it was a flame thrower. But 2 after they got me back as i was putting on my shoe there was something hard in it, i flipped my shoe arround and out came the PP and then i stomped it with my shoe.
Now that is a near death exp….
October 21st, 2008 at 1:31 pm
all i am gonna say is sheeeeit dude.
In all my experiance , i have found the asiest way to get rid of these fooookers is to drop a brick on them, leave them till the morning then clean the mess. works every time and 1 brick can be used over and over.
January 15th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
They are armour plated, prehistoric crickets. I took one prisonor last night and his child the night before. I’m with the dude who said they were out to take over the world. Ever wondered what the biggest PP recorded is? I think we should unite forces, hit boot camp and save the world. Who’s with me
January 30th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Just the sight of the PP is enough to induce puking. Why is this so? Cockroaches are ugly buggers too but the PP sends grown men screaming.My cats think they are a delicacy and spend half their time munching then and leaving innards lying around. Yuck!
September 25th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
My mother in law found a Park Town Prawn in my daughters room, but didnt have the guts to kill it, she caught it in an ice cream dish and left it outside, unfortunately for the parkie it died. After discussing this whole thing at work, my wifes colleagues who had never seen one asked her to bring it in to show everybody. Anyway, the next morning I discovered one twice the size and still alive in our empty pool and knew staight away exactly what to do. with nobody watching, I tossed the dead one and carefully captured the huge live one, anyway an hour later I had a frantic wife on the phone telling me how the evil monster had risen from the dead and grown to twice the size and during her show and tell moment had launched itself into the air between a group of screaming frantic office workers.
It still makes my stomach ache with laughter.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Hi, my cat drags them into the house still alive!!! He brings them into my bedroom, and this morning one jumped onto the bed!!
Is it the wooden floors that attract them? I had wooden floor put in 6 months ago and with all the rain lately the cat has brought about 30 into the house in the past two months!!!
I have a mortal fear of roaches, so just imagine my fear of these things!! I even want to get rid of the cat!!!
Apparently they kill all the cut worms and slugs in your garden, and in turn the Hadida eats them again, but they are not doing a good job of it!!! Maybe I should keep a flock of Hadida as pets?
Please help, I am going to have a heart attack one of these days!!!
December 17th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Ryan
That’s freaking funny but waaaay cruel!!!
January 1st, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Hi,i am 31 male,these PP are the meanest scariest MF***** in the world.I am scared shitless when i see them.If i see them i wanna take my 1600kg bakkie and drive the crap outta them then i know they are dead.
Scary Mothers
January 5th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
I’ve had 3 in my bedroom in the last 2 days. My cat brings me ‘presents’ in the middle of the night from outside, then plays with them for a few minutes under my bed, then chows them!! The sound of the crunching is quite unique. How do I stop the cat from bringing them inside?
October 27th, 2010 at 2:12 pm
How do u get rid of them, thats all that i want to know. I found their nest last night by the pools pump, there was like 8 of them!!! My cat drags them into the house, they inbetween my daughters clothes and they in my basin in the mornings…..Help help help, i need to kill the nest!! ha ha ha, think they taking over already!
November 20th, 2010 at 12:27 am
Hi..
Have at lease 2 a day inside and about 4 to 5 in the swimming pool…This freaks me out big time. Just battled one with boiling water and half a can of Doom…but think it’s still alive FFS!!! Love my home but these monsters are driving me insane
March 24th, 2011 at 8:34 pm
Dear All
I work for UK based production company and I’m looking for interesting stories about encounters with Park Town Prawns in peoples homes.
I’d love to opportunity to speak with a few of you about your experiences.
If you are keen to chat drop me an email to kate.boddington@darlowsmithson.com
Thanks
Kate
April 6th, 2011 at 11:28 am
Hi Guys. I came across this on the net when I had my first encounter with a ParkTown Prawn. At first I didnt know what the heck it was. I thought it was some genetic experiment gone bad or something. It made my husband scream like a girl.
I think the best way to get rid of them is with a tennis racket, a container that can close and a brick. (This is a two man approach):
Step1:
Approach slowly with the tennis racket while your partner stands by with the container and lid.
Step 2:
Prod the prawn to make it jump.
Step 3:
When it jumps, take a full swing with the racket, if you hit it against the wall hard enough, you may knock it out temporarily.
Step 4:
Quickly, get the prawn in the container before it recovers, move fast, it does not take long.
Step 5:
Find a solid piece of ground outside, this is the messy part.
Step 6:
Shake the container rapidly to knock the prawn out and chuck it on the ground.
Step 7:
Flatten the prawn with the brick.
Step 8:
Clean up the mess before the other prawns find out.
Step 9:
Run inside and lock all the doors and windows.
Step 10:
Seek councelling..
April 6th, 2011 at 2:42 pm
People – you need to kill this thread soon, and delete it… When Skynet becomes self-aware (any day now), if it finds this thread, it may well decide to base terminators on park-town prawns rather than Austrian bodybuilders…
If that happens, humanity has no chance!
Remember, if you’re reading this, you’re part of the resistance!
August 27th, 2011 at 12:51 am
What a great update, can I set it up so I get an update sent in an email when you make a fresh update?
October 27th, 2011 at 10:09 pm
no one has said how to get rid of these bloody things!!! I’ve even tried pouring omo around the house to prevent these bloody things coming in! FYI!! OMO does not work! how do I get rid of these things! or at least stop them coming inside, they can stay outside with pleasure!!! just stay out my space i.e my house!
November 20th, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Awesome comments, we seriously have a shit load of these things at out house. My parents LOVE gardening and they forever wetting the garden and blah blah and I have been attacked by these things – long story short – my friend was on the outside of the door and I was trapped inside my room and it climbed up my door!!!!!! Those things are SUPER gross and it eats chips and koekies and just about freaken anything! I think the Mother Nest must be here. I’ve seen 2cm ones (tiny babies) and then HUGE ass ones. I’ll be sitting in front of the computer and then I’ll feel like a needle prick me and scream my freaken head off!!!! I hate all PP’s and ANY goggo’s but they are the cherry on the cake! Where do they live. I have inspexted the garden and there’s holes in the tree, do they make their homes in there???? Uuurrggghhh it grosses me out just thinking about it!
November 23rd, 2011 at 12:28 pm
you will be pleased to know that Sluggem pellets kill them stone dead. they rummage around the garden eat them and DIE……
February 2nd, 2012 at 10:07 am
Yip – Sluggem Pellets – way to go! They say the pellets should be wet to work, but I covered a prawn with dry pellets, and it was dead before I could pour the water on +/- 5 minutes! If you can’t find them at your grocery store – ask at the hardware or garden shop.
February 2nd, 2012 at 8:47 pm
I know Sluggem pellets work like a bomb – I’m just worried that my animals will think they’re kibble and kill themselves…anyone have any experience with pets and sluggem?
March 31st, 2012 at 1:58 am
My pet collection once comprised of a Mexican red leg tarantula and a black emperor scorpion, but rest assured, PTP are the Devils spawn!!!
So I get up one fine, hungover morning at my in-laws place and scour the floor for my shirt. After plodding around a bit, I finally get it, run my hands though the sleeves (feel a slight scratch & assume it’s the tag) hold the shirt up and begin to pull over my head. I’ll never know which angel whispered to me “look up” but will be eternally grateful. I stared straight into the demons eyes for a whole millisecond before ranting around like Mick Jagger eventually finding the corner of the door with my FOREHEAD! After ripping the shirt of my trembling body, my mother in law giggles her way into the room, picks up the shirt and gives it a few shakes outside on the lawn and there fell the King Kong Cricket. You’ve heard the stories of their invincibility? Their indestructible shells? It’s all 10000% true! The brick I used, hit the bastard with the force of Chuck Norris’s round house kick but he continued to fight back. All I can say is, pit bulls have strong jaws…
March 31st, 2012 at 2:04 am
Oh, and they’re sure as shi!t not from this planet! I’ve found the portal which they use to travel to our dimension JUST OUTSIDE MY BATHROOM WINDOW!!