This is going to, for lack of a better word, really rock.

Hope to see you all there!

I spotted this at the Randshow earlier today:

The Handi Blaster: Your personal handheld flame thrower, the latest and greatest in personal safety.

What this means is if you see any mo’ fo’s with singed eyebrows approach you at a traffic light… run.

Oh well, it beats lighting farts, nearly…!

I’m really struggling with how to write this post, as a runner up I can only imagine how it’s going to come across, but fuck it, it needs to be said.

I just read this on 2Oceansvibe, the winner of the best overall blog at the SABlogawards, and I it really, really got my back up.

• He needs to explain to his readers what a blog is, that’s just crazy.
• He got the category wrong, it’s not “website of the year.” although I can understand why he got confused.
• No feed
• Not a single link in the post.
• No permalinks anywhere (isn’t that the cornerstone of blogging?).
• No trackbacks.
• He’s a pretentious sounding twat (oops, that was a wee bit of sour grapes).

The bottom line…

2Oceansvibe is not a blog…!

Rox put a challenge in my RSVP post comments:

Haha, this I gotta see…!

Yesterday’s Sunday Times ran a front page story on the whole Sudan Red saga. Sure it’s a carcinogen, sure that’s bad shit, however it’s hardly the big story they’re making it out to be. Especially considering the backlash that has ensued. Shops have been pulling stock of the affected products as if it carries the ebola virus, when actually, we’ve all been consuming these same products for years, would another couple of weeks while these companies get new suppliers really make a difference?

These holier-than-thou shops piss me off too, all responding by pulling the products because they may cause cancer if consumed in large quantities over time…

SO WHY ARE YOU STILL SELLING CIGARETTES YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITES?

This hysteria inducing journalism is pure sensationalism, and is as such irresponsible – as they say, it’s caused the “biggest recall of food” ever in SA. If Sunday Times really gave a shit, why did they only contact the suppliers at 16h00 on Friday for comment, especially as they say they’ve known about the issue for at least 5 weeks? They don’t give a shit, that’s why. They only care about the story. At least, as they communicated in their story, the manufacturers had ignorance on their side, albeit a weak excuse, but it’s something.

No wonder the days of conventional journalism are numbered…!

Update: That bloody Aquila went and wrote a far better post than this, go read it.

Update 2: Rooibos pointed me to this link, I like the following line “The Director of Food Control, Dr Theo van der Venter, has also said there was no reason to panic as the levels of Sudan Red in food are very small.” I stand by my initial sentiment, this is irresponsible and sensational journalism.

Do your worst…!

Oh yeah, the old “I want to be popular so I’ll publicly humiliate other people” ploy.

Reminds me of primary school…!

Update: Jinga commented, apparently it was all a joke, my mistake, how silly of me. Oh, and I gotta say, either there’s a lot of pricks out there, or just a lot of cowards.

Update 2: Respect!

(Moment captured by aquila, he caught lots more too)

I thought he was going to hit me so I hit him back first.

Twice…!

There’s been an increase in spelling errors over a number of blogs and comments that I’ve come across recently. I’d like this to stop please.

One that I’ve noticed quite a lot is the word ‘definately’. Don’t you have spell-check? It’s ‘definitely’, with an ‘i’.

Class dismissed.

Sneezing…

..while taking a dump.

I found that out the hard way.

Here’s a story all about yet another protest against eating meat. As D’ave might be interested in the actual story, I’m more interested in 11-year-old Keenan Titus from Golden Grove Primary’s comment:

“How you going to have lunch on Sunday without eating chicken?”

Kids. You gotta love ‘em.

So it looks like we’re going to need to make a booking at Cool Runnings for the SAblogawards dinner tomorrow night. What we need to know, basically, is who the hell’s coming.

So here’s the deal.

Do me a favour, please call the office on (011) 794 6445 (enjoy the hold music, we sang it ourselves), ask for Sam, and let her know how many of you will be there. As an added incentive it should be noted that she’s tres hot.

Thank you, you’re all very nice people (deep down)…!

Update: As Martin pointed out in the comments, there’s a Cape Town gig too.

Tyron & I spotted this beaut at the grocer yesterday:

Who names these things? Are they mental? I giggled like a girl…

At least you know D’ave will be there…!

Sorry, I’m a bit late with this.

YDE have a couple of new window ads/posters up that show a guy and girl with a red arse, as if they’ve just been spanked by a paddle (links: 1, 2, 3). This doesn’t bother me in the least.

However I had to laugh when I read that their MD, Paul Simon said, “The intention is not to shock.” Sure pal. (YDE press release)

What made me laugh even more is that the Law Society of SA has expressed outrage about the ads claiming that the ads go, “against the grain of eradicating the trivialization and humiliation of the female body,” to which YDE responded, rightly so, “It is quite surprising that no one said anything about the man.”

Lets face it though, any guy that wears sexy cotton y-fronts like those probably deserves a smack…!

Saturday saw the painful ripping of my tattoo-hymen, as I took the plunge, went to BlackStar Tattoos in Clearwater and handed over an awful amount of capitol. But I think the result speaks for itself.

My original idea was to have the three larger stars branded in, and then whiteline the smaller ones around, but the modifier talked my out of it. Thank God. Branding is not as reliable as one might think…

I like the fact that it’s not your usual dark-ink piece, but rather something a little more remarkable (”Jesus, what the f&$k happened to your arm, bro?!”). I love it. 17 whitelined stars, and they’re all mine.

Whitelining apparently is/will be the new big thing in the tattoo world. For one, you don’t need to keep your piece clean and dry, Zambukking it every hour or so. And scratching is also a thing of the past. As John (the artiste) said, “Shit, shower, shampoo. Scratch the hell outta the thing.” Scarring helps to hold in the rather fickle white titanium ink, it seems, so the trick is to cause yourself some damage during the healing.

The Process? Well, after transferring the design onto my arm in the usual way, he took a really thick needle, and scored the ink into my skin, ala your standard tattoo. When that’s done, he roughly ground additional ink into the wounds with his thumb. Then he repeated the process 4 times, each time getting the ink further and further through my epidermis, thus ensuring that the stars/scars will remain… more than likely long after my body has withered and rotted away.

Yeah, so once again I have etched myself a few notches higher than the rest of you on the ‘Extremely Attractive’ wall. And, as those who know me will attest to, it looks a darn side better than what I did to myself.

So you’re looking for that perfect match, the image of your dreams. What better way to advertise yourself than on News24 on the arm of someone else?

I mean, it all makes sense. “Dare to date me” in Bloemfontein language means “If my ex sees us together you’re a dead man”, and you know she has an ex, a big one, ‘cos he’s in the bloody picture with her!

All hail the clever poppie from Bloem! Here’s her ideal man’s height: (Note: Non-negotiable)

Barbra Streisand was brilliant…

…in “Meet the Fokkers“.

In fact, the whole damn movie rocked. Expectation is a killer, but this sequel did a great job.

Go see it…!

Patricia Lewis has starred in a German porno.

Haha!

(Link via Chumpstyle.)

…if I had to see two screws missing from an airplane wing. I’d shit myself even more if it was the wing attached to the plane I was flying in!

These poor bastards (who had to buy new underwear, I’m sure) had to do a u-turn 20 minutes after leaving Jhb International when their plane started to rattle and shake.

SA Airlink, you’re off my list!