Please don’t.

Thank you.

“The South African Forum for Entrepreneurship (SAFE)”

Good grief, there’s nothing safe about being an entrepreneur. In the words of my hero…

Safe is risky…!

So today I had a debate with a 20-something black businessman that I (otherwise) have a lot of respect for.

He’s the member of a golf club of sorts, basically speaking, this club gets sponsorship from several high profile companies that allows them to fly to, and play at courses that they perhaps otherwise wouldn’t be able to play at. He calls this a charity.

There’s entry criteria to this club:

"You must be black!"

"Why?" I asked him.

"We’re previously disadvantaged." He replied.

"So, if a young, black,  successful third-generation, Oxford educated Brit, showed up and waned to join, you’d refuse him on the grounds that he’s not previously disadvantaged?"

"No," he laughed, "we have one of those in the club already."



This is just plain wrong. If people behave like this, we’re taking two steps back. No questions.

What upsets me more though, is the corporate sponsorship that’s getting raised, and the companies supporting this blatant racism. Names (big names) were mentioned but not verified, but if I it turns out to be true, you’ll hear about it.

Worst thing is, this well-educated guy, cant see anything wrong with the whole thing.

That’s scary shit…!

Update: The chairman of the above mentioned golf club has added his comments.

Sunday morning saw my grumpy half-open eyes looking toward the East.

The lady, her dad, her brother and I drove about 30 minutes away from Benoni, close to a place called Dorstfontein, to the coolest fly-fishing venue ever, Oxbow Estate.

Seven fully stocked trout dams (of which I tried three), and not one bite! It was my first time, but definitely not the last. Members get a half session at the ‘Trophy Dam’ where all the biggies swim, that’s where I’ll be next season! At the end of the day we walked away with three fish, which tasted great that evening!

This pic is of me trying to hold the rod, while trying to find the buggers in the water. Pic taken by the lady, Jan.

If you’re in the mood for a relaxing day by the water I strongly recommend you give Frank and Alison a shout. Great hospitality, great fishing and awesome monkey-gland burgers, you can’t go wrong.

Caught this outside the Spar in Olivedale.

Michael Naicker tries to convert (link removed due to a “friendly” call from EMI). Thanks Livvy. Watch your back sister .

He must have seen the hebrew hammer…!

“HIJACKING MADE EASY – Repentant Car Hijacker Explains How it is Done” (via email, thanks Olaf)

A repentant car hijacker (28) stole and hijacked cars for more than 14 years before deciding to go straight. Now he is a struggling fashion designer who presents motivational talks at schools in Orange Farm, south of Joburg, discouraging youngsters from doing crime. He spoke to Denis Droppa about the murky world of vehicle crime.

Q. 1: Are most cars hijacked on order by syndicates?

Answer: Yes, I would get a phone call to deliver a certain type of car by a certain deadline, and then we’d go out and search for one. If they needed it quickly, I would hijack. If I had a bit more time I’d steal a parked car, as it was safer.

Q. 2: Which types of vehicles are the most popular amongst hijackers?

Answer: We would get orders to steal just about anything. Double-cab bakkies, any make, were in very high demand. Also, “G-strings” (BMW 3-series), Polo’s, Mercedes and Toyotas. I’d get paid a lot more for a double-cab, around R16 000, but only about R500 to R6 000 for a car. If it was an expensive car like the “Anaconda” (BMW 7-series) I could get about 15 grand, though.

Q. 3: Which cars have the lowest hijack risk?

Answer: There’s no such thing. There’s a demand for all sorts of cars, old and new. If the vehicle isn’t sold then it’s stripped for spares. The only thing there isn’t really an interest in is expensive exotics. I once stole a Ferrari from a garage just for fun, drove it around for a while and then left it back at the garage.

Q. 4: Do most of the cars that aren’t stripped end up beyond our

borders?

Answer: No, a lot stay in the country. They are given new identities, re-registered and sold here ..

Q. 5: How effective are modern anti-theft and tracking systems?

Answer: When I was stealing cars three years ago, most of them were a joke. I could break into almost any car and drive it away within minutes. Some cars were very advanced and a lot of work to steal though, like Volvos. With tracking systems, it was usually very easy to find where the device was hidden. While one guy drove the car, his accomplices would strip the interior looking for the tracker’s hiding place. Then sometimes we’d place the tracking unit into a taxi and trick the police and the helicopters into following the taxi. Nowadays the tracking systems are getting a lot better though, with quicker response times, and towards the end I nearly got caught a couple of times.

Q. 6: How did you learn how to override these high-tech systems?

Answer: Experience, and learning from other car thieves. We all shared information. If I was having difficulty with a particular car, sometimes I’d dress up nicely and go to a dealer posing as a customer. I’d ask the salesman how good the anti-theft system was on that car and he would give me all the details.



Q. 7: What was your hijacking modus operandi?

Answer: We would get people in their driveways, on the way to work or on their way home. Rainy weather is the best time to steal cars. When it’s raining it makes it more difficult for the tracking helicopters to find you.

Q. 8: In a hijacking did you normally go for soft targets like women?

Answer: No, I could take on anyone. I was a professional. Some people wore guns but never got a chance to use them as I was too fast. I’d stick my gun right in their faces and they wouldn’t give me any trouble. That’s why I never shot or hurt anyone; I was against that. A friend of mine sometimes shot people he hijacked and he used to wake up with nightmares.

Q. 9: Which areas did you target?

Answer: Any white suburb, it didn’t matter. I never stole in the townships because people were poor there. I also didn’t rob black people.

Q 10: Is that because you don’t like whites?

Answer: No, it’s because darkies are dangerous. If you rob them, they go to a sangoma who would “take care” of you.

Q. 11: How much money did you make?

Answer: A lot, but I wasted it all. It was easy come, easy go. Some money would go to police and judges and prison officials in bribes. I got caught a few times but was never convicted. Bribing a police officer to lose a docket cost about R2 000 to R5 000. The only time I spent in jail was awaiting trial. Then I’d bribe the prison guard to help me escape.



Q. 12: Is this the norm, or were you lucky?

Answer: I knew how to find the loopholes and beat the system. Some of my friends were caught and convicted to 8 or 12 years or more.

Q. 13: What made you stop crime?

Answer: I saw I had nothing to show for all those years. I felt guilty for what I’d done and wanted to achieve something in my life. That’s why I do community work persuading other people not to do crime, and I’m also a fashion designer. I’m struggling with money now. My sewing machine broke and I can’t afford to fix it, but I won’t go back to crime. That life is a stupid life.

Q. 14: What is your advice to motorists to avoid hijacking?

Answer: Look out for people following you. Some hijackers spot a car they want and follow the person home. Be aware. If you’re suspicious, make a few false turns and see if that car is still behind you. If it is, drive to a police station.

Sheesh, not sure what to make of it all, at least they’re not all killers. what bothers me the most is how easy it is for them to get off once caught…!

I have had a bunch of really miserable experiences with my provider of choice since I joined the world of cell phones a few years ago. Whether it was them overbilling me, or getting my details wrong, or me having to phone them far too many times to get something simple done. I’m not exactly an evangelist, they’re a means to an end.

One experience changed my mind the other day.

Andrew Walden from MTN SP smsed me to tell me I was due for an upgrade, and to please give him a call to discuss which new phone I wanted. When I didn’t, due being both busy and forgetful, he phoned me (and didn’t put me on hold). He then ran through all the options I could take on my contract package without trying to force me into upgrading to a more expensive one. He also answered all my questions on all the phones I was considering in detail. He knew his shit.

When we had decided that the Sony Ericsson Z800i was the right phone for me (how true, I fuckin’ love it), he faxed through the forms within minutes, telephonically explained exactly which things I needed to fill in myself, and which he would do for me, got the forms back and had found the phone at a branch near to me.

The pearler, really, was that he said if I couldn’t get to the branch today, he would pick it up for me and bring it to me that evening. I’m much like Rich when it comes to waiting for new things, and this guy seemed to understand that. It turns out, though, that the phone was sitting at Northgate MTN, and I could get it myself.

When I got to the branch, all I had to do was physically lift the package off the counter. Andrew had sorted everything out already.

Fucking awesome. That is the best service I have ever had, as is usually the case, I have told everyone I know about it.

The choice they give is, “Narcotic / Pharmaceutical”, however If SAfm was really brave, they would have put “/ Recreation”.

Also, I’m not sure if they’re fooling anyone…!

There are two points I would like to make with this post, even though the two are strongly linked:

1. No ugly girls are aloud to be lesbians. Under any circumstances (except maybe if the the ‘circumstance’ is a collapsed house, or ACME anvil). Lesbians are only hot girls, so the rest of you hunched, leering, badly dressed females (and I use that term in a form more loose than they are) are fakers and frauds. I know this, because I have seen a few movies on the subject, and lesbians, without exception, look like the two in the pic on the left. It is a lovely, wondrous thing. Don’t mess it up.

2. If you want to be a lesbian, I would presume that it would be because you find the female form, mind and emotion more attractive to the kinds you find in men. And rightly so. If that is the case, please explain why it is that you would pick a partner with more testosterone than the Running of the Bulls, all nicely packaged in jean-pant overalls and mullets and complete with spitting, crotch-scratching, swearing, a mechanics diploma and arms like my thighs. For God’s sake, it’s a boy! If that’s what you’re looking for, you’re straight. Deal with it. Those girls (loose term, again) are more man than I will ever be. Hell, they’re more man than any of us will ever be. If you want something like that, there are spans of them everywhere, and at least they come with the extras that count.

I think I have made my point. I’m glad I have, because it gave me the chance to use Google Images‘ search to find that pic.

Spotted at a meeting with Rich…! yesterday.

If you’ve seen the new Telkom TV advert with the lady walking down the path telling you about how cheap they are, you may have seen their little oopsie.

If not, next time you see it, take a closer look. As the lady walks through the gate, she says something like “you can make calls for as little as sixteen cents a minute”, only thing is, she mouths fifteen cents a minute.

Go to a mirror and say those two after each other, watch how your mouth moves. Clearly not the same, clearly not something a mere VO can fix, especially when the original amount was less than what they’re advertising!

Why they couldn’t cut to a screen with text/animation showing 16c is beyond me. How Telkom let their advertising agency air it, that’s worse.

Big Brother 1’s ‘Bad Brad’ is at it again. This time he’s releasing an autobiographical DVD with happenings over the past five years, including interviews, parties and porn.

There’s still some legal stuff to sort through (some of the girls don’t want to be shown, duh!), but if all else fails they’re gonna release it in Canada and those South Africans who want to see Brad’s naked ass can buy it online.

Stories at IOL & News24.

Thanks to Dave (not D’ave) for the link.

Apparently we are…!

Turns out he and his family were enjoying a jaunt through the St Lucia Crocodile Park. Sadly, in their bliss, they failed to notice this crucial sign:

Spotted and snapped by Conrad

Not even Superman could have saved him…!

With my ever-ever-growing wisdom, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are two specific types of poo’s

that really bring a substantial amount of pain to your circular soldier, in turn bringing tears to any grown man’s eyes:

1. The poo so big that it feels like you’re giving birth to a medium-sized hippopotamus

2. The poo filled with a little too much extra-chili from the night before

This morning I experienced a number 2 number 2.

Not pretty. (:: sniff sniff ::)

I’m glad you’re my bank, that’s why I am one of your customers. This, however, is not an absolute. There are ways to convince me that I might have made a mistake.

The one thing you could do, for instance, is phone me, and when I pick up automatically put me on hold to the sound of a pre-recorded voice saying, “Please hold for this important call” repeatedly. Then when I’m all good and steamed, red-faced and furious, finally take me off hold and calmly ask me about my fuckin’ garage card ! Are you kidding? You. Phoned. Me!

I see no reason why I should be at your beck and call. This is possibly one of the rudest things I have ever been a part of. Who the hell puts these procedures in place?

If this ever happens again, I am going to track your little call-centre ass down, and punch you in the face! You cheeky shit.

Seriously, if you can, get your ass over to the new Nile Crocodile for the launch of The Slashdogs’ CD; “Spilled blood calls for vengeance“.

I got a copy last week, it fucking rocks…!

You just can’t help thinking of old Rowan…

You know you live in a crazy country when the gangland wars that you have aren’t related to drugs, but public transportation.

This is straight out of a mob film:

That’s scary shit.

This is pretty crazy too, a bus driver has shot dead a 3-year old in a road rage incident.

Makes me think twice about screaming at mo’fo’s that cut me off.

It’s just not worth the risk…!