So BigGuy is having some shit with SARS (aren’t we all bro!). He’s having real trouble though, the kind of trouble that involves getting arrested and having the sheriff attach your possessions. The thing is, he’s not an SA tax payer. He’s not lived here for years. They know this. He’s filled out all the right forms. Twice.

Here’s my fav line from the post:

WTF? Pay me what you don’t ow me, then query it, or we’ll arrest you.

Dude, I so want that business model…!

Mad Caddies baby. Yeah!

I can’t wait. This Sat in Jhb, Fat Wreck Chords’ craziest band will have me skankin’ and stompin’ like a green peace hippy in a fur factory. Great local bands too.

If you’re going, and you should, give us a shout…!

For those of you that don’t know, I own a company called Missing Link, we’re a presentation strategy and implementation firm wiith a rad client list, and I like to think a kick ass culture. Fuck it, modesty schmodesty, we rock.

Here’s the thing, we need a graphic designer to help on project work and general internal stuff. I’m guessing that it’s someone mid-level. We’re also looking for someone else to help us on the strategy side of things i.e. you need to be able to speak to people and think – apparently not always as easy as it sounds.

If you’re interested, drop me a mail rich@ (the company domain) – if you can’t figure that out, you probably won’t really cut it

Oh, this is for our Jo’burg branch.

Tell your friends, ta…!

Lately we’ve been hearing about crime happening to people close to us, and it really is just getting ridiculous. What’s worse is this story. The lowdown:

A French cyclist, in an attempt to raise awareness on the importance of conservation, travels about 12 000 km’s on his bike through the deepest and darkest of African countries unscathed, only to have his bike stolen when he stops in Richards Bay. (via)

Welcome to SA mate! Good to have you here!

Fuck. And with Charles Nqakula travelling Europe doing damage control and trying to convince the world SA is safe for 2010, these fucking fucks stealing bikes are making it harder and harder for us to look good.

Get it through your head. It’s not yours. You want one? Go get a fucking job, earn your money and buy one. Again. IT’S. NOT. YOURS! Is that so hard to understand?

A few months back I got on to a plane with Sam only to find Kanye West and his Mum in our seats (they moved, we discussed PSP vs Nintendo DS). Seems people sitting in my seat is a regular occurrence.

On Friday, I was sitting down, minding my own business when a soldier in full dress uniform came on the plane, he looked at my seat number, then at me. Then two old guys got on, they did the same thing, before politely mentioning that I was in their seat. I checked my boarding pass and was in the right seat. We both had the same.

I’m a happy guy, so I made a joke, “It’s okay dude, I have soft legs, you can sit on my knee for now then we’ll swap halfway.” There was general laughter. I then said that as they were obviously traveling together I’d happily move, unless of course they fancied squeezing. More mirth.

So I moved to my new seat, the soldier apologised, and said thanks, and that’s when the flight attendant came up to me and whispered, “You just asked the King of Sweden to sit on your knee.”

That made my day…!

For only R2000! Awesome. What a way to have fun. Ok, you’ll have to go through some legal stuff, but you’ll only pay R2k.

Promise.

think that I will accept second best. If it’s even remotely too short, out of place or not right, it’s wrong.

I don’t give second best, so why would you think that I would accept it? Straighten it, fill it, stick it, place it, paint it. Correct it. Now. Or you’ll just have to come back tomorrow. You’ll have to rip that thing up and start again. At your cost. It’s wrong. End of story.

Fucking builders.

Except it isn’t a bar, it’s my bank account.

Hooray to us for finally moving into our new place on Thursday. After having the whole fucking saga it finally all came together. Before moving in we repainted the whole house, started digging a pool and re-did the main bathroom.

Below is also a before and after from the front, the pool should be finished soon. No matter how cold it is, I’m christening that fucking thing as soon as it’s done!

Update: This is what it looks like now. Getting there. Still need to get the new grass all sorted and settled, and the decking fixed and finished on the pool.

No it’s not Linkdin, Facebook, or Trig, it’s not even del.icio.us or digg.
It’s eblockwatch.

I’m sitting at the Friendly conference at the moment watching a preso by Andre Snyman, the founder of eblockwatch, and I’m blown away. Why aren’t more people talking about this? This is where it’s at.

From the eblockwatch site:

Their average turnaround time for finding a missing person is 9-hours. As bloggers we understand the power opf the community and wisdomn of crowds, it kinda rocks that we can mobilise the masses for this too. There’s more reading here.
How the Friendly Button works:

Here’s how you can register (it cost five bucks p/month):

I strongly suggest you do this now, I’m gonna….!

So, I saw a guy squeezing a zit on his forehead this morning. Mmm, nice.

He was at the gym.

Oh, and not in the change rooms, in the gym, using the full-length training mirrors. The gym was pretty packed at the time.

I shit you not…!

A survey conducted by Durex shows South Africans are among the most satisfied nations in the world when it comes to sex and having orgy’s orgasms.

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“South Africans are well ahead in terms of physical aspects – frequency of sex, time spent having sex and the ability to orgasm – (but) could do better emotionally.”

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“More than half (51 percent)… would like more time alone with our partners, a similar number are seeking more love and romance, 44 percent want a better idea of how we can please our partners, and 42 percent would like improved communication and intimacy.”

Ok. So we shag well, and often, but we need to get in touch with ourselves, and our partners. Cute.

Motivational speakers don’t impress me. If you’ve been a Jo’blog reader for a while you might know this.

However, my opinion on all motivational speakers has changed. Now, only one motivational speaker (that I’ve seen) has actually done the task of motivating me, and I’m sure every single audience member in the Pilanesberg conference room in Sun City on Thursday.

Hein Wagner is a South African. He’s a renowned speaker. An actor and playwright. A cyclist. He competes in Iron Man races. He holds a world land speed record, has been a part of a winning World Cup Cricket team and he plans to raise £1m by flying a Boeing 747 from London to New York.

Impressed? Well what if I told you Hein has been blind from birth. Ok, go back and read his achievements again. More impressed? And what if I said that he has to be one of the funniest guys you’ll ever meet? Seriously, just the latter would’ve been enough for me.

This oke is phenomenal. That’s all I can say. To listen to someone with, what most would agree to as being a very difficult disability to live with, making these achievements and striving for more. Amazing.

His talk takes you through his life. His highs, his lows, and how he has overcome it all. My favourite lines from his talk:

- “I’ve never seen so many beautiful looking people in an audience before, you all look amazing!”
- “I see I’m running out of time so I’ll finish up now.”
- “The feeling I had walking off the field after we had just secured the World Cup, is something I would never ever exchange, even, the ability to be able to see.”

This guy is a legend. If you or your company need a big kick up the arse to realise that if you set your mind to something it’s do-able, get him in! He rocks.

One of Hein’s closing lines: “I’m blind, what’s your excuse?”

Too true.

So awesome. Thanks to Brendon for sending it through.

Have you ever phoned someone who’s guaranteed to have your number stored on his/her cellphone, and they answer: ‘Hello?’

Now, have YOU ever seen someone’s number on your phone and answered the same?

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I have to admit that I have. I don’t know why. Maybe to make the person feel like they weren’t worthy of having the priviledge of having their name saved to my phone’s memory, or to maybe make myself seem cooler than they were by ‘forgetting’ who this person was. Whatever the reason/excuse, I’ve stopped doing it, because it’s absolutely silly, but I’ve noticed a lot more people getting into the habit.

When your phone rings, you pick it up and look at it to find the ‘answer’ key, you also tend to look for who’s calling, it’s a natural instinct, because nowadays most people have numbers stored on their phones of people they don’t want to speak to too.

So, don’t be a tit, say ‘Hi Don’ when I call. And when I phone you and you say ‘Hello?’, I’ll tell you you’re a tit ‘cos you could see it was me.

You’re not that cool. Trust me.

Well, in under a week we got our flags back. I’d love to take the credit here, however while I mailed the link to my post to Rory Sweetlove, Virgin Active’s COO, I have no idea whether he read it or not.

Fair play to them for listening to their customers and acting so quickly though, that’s gotta earn ‘em respect in my books

Welcome home boys, my forearms missed you….!

Johannesburg – A suspected robber who was taking refuge at a place of safety for people with HIV/Aids was shot in his private parts through the windscreen of a car by one of the crew of a police helicopter hovering above.
- News24

Haha! Serves him right.

Shamelessly piggy-backing on the obvious success of Tertia.org, I figured one last (fucking awesome) fertility based public service announcement was warranted.

This is from a recent comment to this post:

While you’re on the subject….and knowing that you have to play ‘away games’ at Medfem….check out our latest at home products!! Male fertility tests – YUP, at home, office, back of sterkinekor theatre, pick your own spot……tests. So spread the word to all the boys out there, you can now get these in SA Thanks! (for a bit of free advertising for me too )C

Wicked-cool! I flat out refused to make my deposits at the bank, I went with the at-home method, and told the wife to drive “very bloody fast”, this seems far more civilised though, and a tad less rushed.

It is however a second place to my genius business idea, Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present…

CUM ‘n GO

Basically, when you’re ready to do your thang, a motorcycle messenger would arrive at your house complete with forms, cup thing – in a range of convenient sizes…and a funnel (you’ll understand this when you hit the short strokes and realise that gravity ain’t on your side) – as well as a healthy selection of top girl-on-girl porn.

In you go. Out they come. Off he heads.

All the joys of not whacking off in a cubicle with a well-used copy of Scope and having to walk through a waiting room full of women with a blush and a little pill box containing your future next-of-kin contenders…

…for just five hundred of your hard earned ZA ronds.

Early retirement is imminent…!

GoTV kicked of the new series of Rock Star tonight (I’ve not linked to the official site due to spoilers). There was an SA born rocker called Dilana on the show, she kicked serious ass:

She rocked so much she was called back the next night for an encore.

Home grown rock chicks, gotta love em…!

What kind of arsehole proposes to legalise prostitution and drinking in public for the duration of the 2010 World Cup?

This oke.

With SA’s high rate of HIV-affected sex workers, this is absolutely not cool. They say they controlled it all in Germany in 2006, but it’s still pretty dodgy to me. C’mon, who travels and needs to shag a prozzie?

Nasty.

Chatting about it to Ruan earlier, it seems pretty dodge to try get something, that not many people would approve of, started, if you’re not making cash off of it. Hmm.

When not to be caught on camera.

Thanks to Aquila for snapping this beaut of Rich…!, D’ave and myself.