While the rest of Joburg was under cloud cover and stuck in our cars on the road, there was one very small area in Strijdom Park which was enjoying life.

I reckon that guy was being fed grapes and other tropical fruits from the bosoms of 20 tanned naked goddesses, and enjoying his goods being fondled and massaged by 10 more, while the rest of us sat in stupid stupid traffic. Well, that’s what I reckon anyway…

Can’t wait for the sun to shine my way!

Last week we had visitors over from Duarte in California. We were looking for something South African to do with them when I received a mail from Mark Sampson inviting me to his new show, Missing Links:

So a quick change-of-plan later and we found ourselves down Madiba Square at the LibLife theatre watching a show named after our company.

Fuck me, but I laughed. I laughed a lot. The show itself is awesome, one of those laugh and think jobs. What impressed me most though was Mark’s comedic timing and
more off the cuff stuff, he was just so quick, he never let one go.

My understanding is that it’s running for less than a month and I highly recommend that you go check it out.

“Dude, what was that, a drive-by heckle?”

I’m still giggling to myself a week later…!

Joffers at Chumpstyle is a true South African, and appreciates the things S.A. has to offer, especially our hot hot women.

Thanks to him for sending me this way. Ladies and gents, our hot South African women:

This story makes me happy. Ok, a man, a living being, was shot and killed, which isn’t nice, but he did break into a house and hit a 77-year old man over the head with a plank, unluckily for him the old timer had a gun and took him out.

Good on the old geezer! You can never be too sure.

From Rich…!: Don’t bring a plank to a gunfight! Something like this:

Reggae performer Lucky Dube, who some people would refer to as South Africa’s Bob Marley, was shot and killed last night in Rosettenville.

The killers are still at large, I hope they pay sorely for what they’ve done to one of our homegrown international reggae legends.

So we haven’t been having the greatest of luck with our neighbours so far. Apart from Rocky practicing his eight punches to the face combo’s on his wife, we’ve had the very unfortunate experience of having another of our neighbour’s dog barking non-stop, whenever the owner is gone, actually, whenever it’s breathing. It loves to bark. At nothing. Just stands in the garden and barks. It’s crazy.

I complained to the owner, and sent her two suggestions on trying to fix it (1,2) which I thought were both pretty good. She has since taken the dogs inside at night, so now the night-barking has ceased, and she has apparently given them sedative-type pills to calm them down during the day, although she’s not allowed to give it to them on an ongoing basis, fair enough. The two suggestions, however, are probably not going to be bought and implemented as she said they were too expensive.

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She also said she’s spoken to a vet and the vet said that dogs do bark, it’s in their nature. Also, fair enough. But when a dog is barking at nothing, for over an hour, then there’s a problem.

We had a trying to be civil but not doing a very good job conversation the other morning when I told her the dog was making a racket, it was 06h15. She seemed to think this was a reasonable time for a dog to be barking. Funny that, I always thought a reasonable time for a dog to be barking was if there was either something wrong, or if it was playing and having fun, well at least that’s what my dog does. She also said that the rest of Joburg was on the road so most people should be up at that time anyway. WE ARE NOT MOST PEOPLE! If we have gym in the morning, we won’t hear it, but the two days a week we get to sleep till 7 aren’t appreciated and enjoyed like they should be, because the yapping terror wakes us up.

Dogs will often bark when other dogs are barking too, ‘cos they can more than likely sense something is wrong. Not once has my dog barked when the neighbour’s dog was going off, probably because he knows it’s nothing, my dog is clever that way. Little biscuit.

Now, thing is, even if she is giving them these sedative pills, they probably take a while to kick in, so if she gives it to them at 6 when she leaves the house, from 6 – 7 we, and the rest of our neighbours, are forced to be woken by the irritating ongoing yap.

I climbed the wall this morning to see what it was barking at, next time I’m going to film it: The dog stood in the middle of the garden, looking left and right randomly, and occasionally looking up at one, I repeat, one pigeon sitting on a chimney. Now if that’s what the fuss is about, the dog needs to get a clue.

So now you know the background. She has tried, but it still isn’t helping. Our Code of Conduct book for our complex states that if a neighbour is causing any disturbance to other neighbours, on an ongoing basis, the directors of the Home Owners Association can basically force them out, or make sure the disturbance is sorted out, i.e. the dog goes bye bye. Lucky for me I’m a director.

So I need to know, besides for a petition (because I think that’s the next step), what else we can do to fix it. I don’t like the idea of ripping the dog away from the owner, but if that’s what needs to happen to have a happy healthy neighbourhood, it’ll have to be done.

Well, that’s what this kid said on his Facebook profile, as a joke, and now he’s in the shit. Police confiscated his computer and cellphone and are continuing investigations.

Glad to see someone else getting in trouble for what they say online!

Sparked off from recent irritation and anger, Darren Morrisby has started a website hoping to create more awareness on, basically, corporate fuckups.

e-Complaints allows you to support each other’s complaints and queries, hopefully making corporate SA stand up and take notice of how many people they’re pissing off.

From the site:
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If you have, at some stage or other, been as frustrated as I have been with complaining to corporate companies and getting absolutely lost in their call centres, then you will understand why I created this website.

Thank you for visiting the site, and keep the support strong! The more people we bring to this site, the more persuasive we become as a unit. We are all here to support your needs!
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Register now, not just if you have a gripe, but to hopefully help others with theirs. It’s all in the numbers.

Update on previous post: Darren caused such a stir that they gave him his number back, free of charge. Darren says Jo’blog played quite a role in sorting this issue out, as while talking to a Customer Service lady on the phone she had our post open on her computer. Yeah, we rock.

So it’s that time again when all of us are receiving the letters from the Post Office to pay our annual post box fee.

I almost wet myself with sale delight when I found written at the bottom of the form:

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“EARLY BIRD SPECIAL -

Pay before 31 December 2007 and qualify for a special rate of R243.00″

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Fuck me, hold me back! Where’s the nearest post office? I’d better get there soon otherwise the queues will be jam-packed with everyone else hoping to save a staggeringly huge sum of…

R6.00!

That’s right ladies and gents, instead of the standard amount of R249, you could be walking out of the post office essentially R6 richer, should you choose to pay before the end of the year.

Way to get people excited! Pff.

Earlier this evening I was reading an article in this month’s Best Life titled:

So I cut them out and gave them to Andrea.

Not only did she not cook them, but I didn’t even get any action.

Hmpf!

So, Joblog has always had one posting rule, it has to be about South Africa or our lives in SA. However, we have other interests, for years covered in “Hello_World” , a site that has sadly been ignored by us lately.

My other passion though, is business, and the principle that you don’t need to be a prick to succeed, you can be a capitalist with a punk rock ethic.

That’s what Capitalist Punks is about, and there are finally enough posts up that I feel it worth mentioning here (much respect to Caroline Vos for the kick ass image she created for us).

Go have a look, or better still grab the feed. I can’t promise that it will be updated all the time, but I hope that the posts will have a certain appeal, for a certain audience.

If they don’t – you’re not…!

So, this has happened 3 out of my last 6 flights on SAA. I head up to the check-in counter and hand them my drivers license and Voyager card. A minute or so later they give me my boarding pass, noticeably absent the SILV marking.

Me: Have you included my Voyager number?
SAA: Yes
Me: Oh, so why then does my silver Voyager status not show on my boarding pass, doesn’t this happen automatically when you put in my number?
SAA: Ah, sorry, I’ll fix it for you.

In another case, my wife faxed them proof that we flew to Singapore, but when she got her statement, nothing had been added, and don’t even bother try holding on their call centre (or if you do, I suggest a razor and toothbrush).

Here’s my question, have I just been unlucky, or do SAA tell their staff deliberately to “forget” to add miles? After all, it saves them a bomb. It would be easy to do as very few people actually check, and unless you have a Voyager status on your pass, there really is no way of knowing until you login to the site – and who does that regularly?

As for the time, this week SAA stole 5 hours from me, 4 on Monday, nearly causing me to miss the birth of my daughter, and 1 on Friday, causing me to miss a meeting.

The reason for both of these is simple:

No accountability…!

Oh for the love of all that is good and sacred:

“Danny K is… the master chief”

WTF?

Although he can blue steel with the best of em…!

‘For every action, there’s a reaction’

So you sit down for a number 2, dreading the reaction, the big plop-splash that’s gonna chill your botty. Or maybe you’re one of those who aims for the side of the bowl to create a small ripple to try avoid the splash. Right? Wrong. This pain, my friends, is easily avoided. I thought everyone knew this little trick, but last weekend I was surprised.

So, before sitting your ass down, take a few sheets of toilet paper and drop it into the bog first. It’s that simple. That way your battleships  can be aimed at any section of the loo you please, and your extracted mission critical vessels will land safely in the arms of a welcoming TP army.

And now you know. Happy poo-ing!

(This post was really just to link to Lank Soft, thought I’d give it an extra spin!)

Got this email via via via with this story attached, a letter to Vodacom and anyone who feels the cell network pains.

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I have been a client of Vodacom for a while now and will cease to do so once my contract has expired with you. Your terms and conditions surrounding contracts are nothing short of greed, especially for the services received.

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Kind Regards,

Darren@bizability.co..za
Cell : 083 610 2080

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C’mon Vodacom, up your game.