This is one of those days…!

An English lesson, brought to you by Don.

al-leged: adj

Represented as existing or as being as described but not so proved; supposed.

A bad example:

Once again, news reporters and writers have got it wrong. Sorry, not alleged, or supposed, she did it, there were witnesses.

Don: 2, Media punks: 0.

I could be a surgeon. My patients would love me, but I don’t think they’d live long enough to send me Christmas cards.

I could be the captain of a space shuttle. I’d look great in one of those big white suits, but I don’t think my crew would live long enough to send me Christmas cards.

The security guard at my meeting today is absolutely no good at being a security guard. I spent fifteen minutes waiting in my car while he searched for my name, registration and shoe size in the big file on his table, all between the eighteen times I spelled my first name, last name, both names together and explaining what my breakfast comprised of.

When hiring for positions where someone needs to actually talk to people, don’t you think they should be able to talk to people? You don’t need a PhD to become a security guard, but you do however need to be able to communicate, and communicate well, with people entering your building.

On my way to the entrance, thinking about posting my little rant, I told the lady at the counter that I was here to meet <enter client’s name here>, and she said ‘Are you coming to work here?’

I’m definitely not getting Christmas cards from either of them.

Don and I miss you.

Lazy shits…!

It started with The Weakest Link, we copied it to the last little detail, even transforming Fiona Coyne into the famous bitch Anne Robinson.

Now, we’ve done it again. Welcome to The Block. If you haven’t heard of it, four couples move into a not-so-close-to-being-completed apartment building, and need to make it look like a proper, fully furnished and decorated home in twelve weeks. We watched the original Australian version and loved it. But what does South Africa do? Grabs three man and woman couples, and a gay couple, just like the Aussie version!

I ask why.

I don’t at all mind that they brought the concept to the country, I think it’s awsome, We actually wanted to enter. But why make a carbon copy of the original version? The only South African flavour is the accents, otherwise they may as well be back on Bondi Beach!

Please guys, have a bit of originality, a bit of sense, and stop being such dumbasses! You’re South African, be proud of it and stop trying to be like everyone else. You’ve raped an English show, now an Australian one, who’s next?

I would like to take the time to point out that a noticeable deficiency of blog posts by yours truly, does not necessarily indicate a lack of intelligent content and insight.

That’s all I have to say right now.

It was New Year’s Eve, 1992. A friend and I were walking through the streets of Knysna when we saw a fortune teller and decided to pop in…just for a laugh.

The lady told me many things, I guess they were mostly hits and misses, and I’m a born sceptic so at the time I thought I took it all with a pinch of salt, even when she told me “You’ll have three kids, one of whom will die tragically at a young age.” I was 18 then, I barely even gave it a second thought.

It’s 12 years later though, I’m married, and a dad, and while I remain a sceptic, her words haunt me. I always say that I regret very little that I’ve done in my life, that there is very little that I would not do again if given the chance – this is the exception. No one needs to know “the future” even if it is all bullshit.

I hate that bitch…!

From my perception of South Africans, I’d say we have a ‘fix-it’ culture when it comes to our belongings. But that’s just me.

Our washing machine broke the other day. A washing machine technician I ain’t, but we still tried to find and fix the problem. So after a lot of strain and cleaning up (not on my part), the outlet pipe was fixed, and then I broke the inlet pipe and had to buy another one. Eventually my washing machine is going to have all new parts, from all different hardware stores and all different makes. But do I care? Absolutely not, because I have a washing machine that works.

Which brings me to my point: Is it South Africans in general that feel this way? How I was brought up? Or to which social class I’ve been slotted into?

Do CEO’s of financial institutions call someone in to fix their fridge, or do they throw it out and buy another one?

I hate people that send me “please call me” sms’s (or es-em-es-eye, as it should be pronounced) without checking the number first, it happens a lot. I got one yesterday, called him, and he said, “Oh, wrong number” and hung up on me! That fucker!

Seriously, no adult should ever send a “please call me” sms – get some airtime, or better still a contract. With that point in mind, until such time as Calumn grows up to cell phone age, I’m ignoring them.

Thus, my new, free, get ignored “please call me” hotline is 083 273 9889

No stalkers please…!

This frame is from an animating gif on News24, an advert for Outsurance.

They have a few different ones, with each Sales Consultant giving their own two cents worth.

Do people not have spellcheck? Are they not people who were brought up writing and speaking the English language? This is Mariaan Jackson’s contribution. She might be from the Afrikaans side of our rainbow nation fence, but the person who designed this beaut shouldn’t be. I sertinley hope thay lerns too spel sum tym soone.

Damn, and I thought you only get this crap in America. A woman has sued Sun International because when she sat down to do her stuff, the bowl broke – so now she has developed a phobia about toilets? WTF. So can I then sue the government for giving me a phobia for paying tax?

If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, and you’re looking to install a tracking system, get anything except a Netstar system.

They urge you to phone them at least once every six months to test that it’s working. So I did. On our way back from holiday in January, passing Bloemfontein, I phoned to test it. They got my details and told me I’d get a call when they’d got a signal. Wow, that’s nice, I don’t have to sit on the phone on hold waiting for them, I’ll just get a call back. Sofa king lucky for me ‘cos I’d still be on hold!

It happened again this Sunday on our way back from Bloemfontein. I phoned to test it, they got my details and told me to expect a call when they got a signal. Ahem. I’m still waiting for that call…

I’ve complained to four people, who just passed me on to the next, mouthing off the same story. I’m now waiting for a call from the branch owner in Bloemfontein who’s going to see what went wrong.

I’m not holding my breath.

Update: The Head of Netstar in Bloemfontein gave me a call and we had the following convo:
Braam: To test a vehicle, the vehicle must be in a main city.
Don: But what if my vehicle thieves don’t want to be in a main city?
Then he told me what they should’ve told me in the first place.
Braam: If a car is stolen, we send out the helicopter, and it becomes the control room. It costs thousands to send the chopper out, so when we test, it’s preferred if the vehicle is in a spot that’s easily accessible. After all, it is just a test to see if the tracking device is working.

As I said, if they’d just told me in the first place…

If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, and you’re looking to install a tracking system, get anything except a Netstar system.

They urge you to phone them at least once every six months to test that it’s working. So I did. On our way back from holiday in January, passing Bloemfontein, I phoned to test it. They got my details and told me I’d get a call when they’d got a signal. Wow, that’s nice, I don’t have to sit on the phone on hold waiting for them, I’ll just get a call back. Sofa king lucky for me ‘cos I’d still be on hold!

It happened again this Sunday on our way back from Bloemfontein. I phoned to test it, they got my details and told me to expect a call when they got a signal. Ahem. I’m still waiting for that call…

I’ve complained to four people, who just passed me on to the next, mouthing off the same story. I’m now waiting for a call from the branch owner in Bloemfontein who’s going to see what went wrong.

I’m not holding my breath.

Update: The Head of Netstar in Bloemfontein gave me a call and we had the following convo:
Braam: To test a vehicle, the vehicle must be in a main city.
Don: But what if my vehicle thieves don’t want to be in a main city?
Then he told me what they should’ve told me in the first place.
Braam: If a car is stolen, we send out the helicopter, and it becomes the control room. It costs thousands to send the chopper out, so when we test, it’s preferred if the vehicle is in a spot that’s easily accessible. After all, it is just a test to see if the tracking device is working.

As I said, if they’d just told me in the first place…

If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, and you’re looking to install a tracking system, get anything except a Netstar system.

They urge you to phone them at least once every six months to test that it’s working. So I did. On our way back from holiday in January, passing Bloemfontein, I phoned to test it. They got my details and told me I’d get a call when they’d got a signal. Wow, that’s nice, I don’t have to sit on the phone on hold waiting for them, I’ll just get a call back. Sofa king lucky for me ‘cos I’d still be on hold!

It happened again this Sunday on our way back from Bloemfontein. I phoned to test it, they got my details and told me to expect a call when they got a signal. Ahem. I’m still waiting for that call…

I’ve complained to four people, who just passed me on to the next, mouthing off the same story. I’m now waiting for a call from the branch owner in Bloemfontein who’s going to see what went wrong.

I’m not holding my breath.

Update: The Head of Netstar in Bloemfontein gave me a call and we had the following convo:
Braam: To test a vehicle, the vehicle must be in a main city.
Don: But what if my vehicle thieves don’t want to be in a main city?
Then he told me what they should’ve told me in the first place.
Braam: If a car is stolen, we send out the helicopter, and it becomes the control room. It costs thousands to send the chopper out, so when we test, it’s preferred if the vehicle is in a spot that’s easily accessible. After all, it is just a test to see if the tracking device is working.

As I said, if they’d just told me in the first place…

If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, and you’re looking to install a tracking system, get anything except a Netstar system.

They urge you to phone them at least once every six months to test that it’s working. So I did. On our way back from holiday in January, passing Bloemfontein, I phoned to test it. They got my details and told me I’d get a call when they’d got a signal. Wow, that’s nice, I don’t have to sit on the phone on hold waiting for them, I’ll just get a call back. Sofa king lucky for me ‘cos I’d still be on hold!

It happened again this Sunday on our way back from Bloemfontein. I phoned to test it, they got my details and told me to expect a call when they got a signal. Ahem. I’m still waiting for that call…

I’ve complained to four people, who just passed me on to the next, mouthing off the same story. I’m now waiting for a call from the branch owner in Bloemfontein who’s going to see what went wrong.

I’m not holding my breath.

Update: The Head of Netstar in Bloemfontein gave me a call and we had the following convo:
Braam: To test a vehicle, the vehicle must be in a main city.
Don: But what if my vehicle thieves don’t want to be in a main city?
Then he told me what they should’ve told me in the first place.
Braam: If a car is stolen, we send out the helicopter, and it becomes the control room. It costs thousands to send the chopper out, so when we test, it’s preferred if the vehicle is in a spot that’s easily accessible. After all, it is just a test to see if the tracking device is working.

As I said, if they’d just told me in the first place…

If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, and you’re looking to install a tracking system, get anything except a Netstar system.

They urge you to phone them at least once every six months to test that it’s working. So I did. On our way back from holiday in January, passing Bloemfontein, I phoned to test it. They got my details and told me I’d get a call when they’d got a signal. Wow, that’s nice, I don’t have to sit on the phone on hold waiting for them, I’ll just get a call back. Sofa king lucky for me ‘cos I’d still be on hold!

It happened again this Sunday on our way back from Bloemfontein. I phoned to test it, they got my details and told me to expect a call when they got a signal. Ahem. I’m still waiting for that call…

I’ve complained to four people, who just passed me on to the next, mouthing off the same story. I’m now waiting for a call from the branch owner in Bloemfontein who’s going to see what went wrong.

I’m not holding my breath.

Update: The Head of Netstar in Bloemfontein gave me a call and we had the following convo:
Braam: To test a vehicle, the vehicle must be in a main city.
Don: But what if my vehicle thieves don’t want to be in a main city?
Then he told me what they should’ve told me in the first place.
Braam: If a car is stolen, we send out the helicopter, and it becomes the control room. It costs thousands to send the chopper out, so when we test, it’s preferred if the vehicle is in a spot that’s easily accessible. After all, it is just a test to see if the tracking device is working.

As I said, if they’d just told me in the first place…

If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, and you’re looking to install a tracking system, get anything except a Netstar system.

They urge you to phone them at least once every six months to test that it’s working. So I did. On our way back from holiday in January, passing Bloemfontein, I phoned to test it. They got my details and told me I’d get a call when they’d got a signal. Wow, that’s nice, I don’t have to sit on the phone on hold waiting for them, I’ll just get a call back. Sofa king lucky for me ‘cos I’d still be on hold!

It happened again this Sunday on our way back from Bloemfontein. I phoned to test it, they got my details and told me to expect a call when they got a signal. Ahem. I’m still waiting for that call…

I’ve complained to four people, who just passed me on to the next, mouthing off the same story. I’m now waiting for a call from the branch owner in Bloemfontein who’s going to see what went wrong.

I’m not holding my breath.

Update: The Head of Netstar in Bloemfontein gave me a call and we had the following convo:
Braam: To test a vehicle, the vehicle must be in a main city.
Don: But what if my vehicle thieves don’t want to be in a main city?
Then he told me what they should’ve told me in the first place.
Braam: If a car is stolen, we send out the helicopter, and it becomes the control room. It costs thousands to send the chopper out, so when we test, it’s preferred if the vehicle is in a spot that’s easily accessible. After all, it is just a test to see if the tracking device is working.

As I said, if they’d just told me in the first place…

If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, and you’re looking to install a tracking system, get anything except a Netstar system.

They urge you to phone them at least once every six months to test that it’s working. So I did. On our way back from holiday in January, passing Bloemfontein, I phoned to test it. They got my details and told me I’d get a call when they’d got a signal. Wow, that’s nice, I don’t have to sit on the phone on hold waiting for them, I’ll just get a call back. Sofa king lucky for me ‘cos I’d still be on hold!

It happened again this Sunday on our way back from Bloemfontein. I phoned to test it, they got my details and told me to expect a call when they got a signal. Ahem. I’m still waiting for that call…

I’ve complained to four people, who just passed me on to the next, mouthing off the same story. I’m now waiting for a call from the branch owner in Bloemfontein who’s going to see what went wrong.

I’m not holding my breath.

Update: The Head of Netstar in Bloemfontein gave me a call and we had the following convo:
Braam: To test a vehicle, the vehicle must be in a main city.
Don: But what if my vehicle thieves don’t want to be in a main city?
Then he told me what they should’ve told me in the first place.
Braam: If a car is stolen, we send out the helicopter, and it becomes the control room. It costs thousands to send the chopper out, so when we test, it’s preferred if the vehicle is in a spot that’s easily accessible. After all, it is just a test to see if the tracking device is working.

As I said, if they’d just told me in the first place…

If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, and you’re looking to install a tracking system, get anything except a Netstar system.

They urge you to phone them at least once every six months to test that it’s working. So I did. On our way back from holiday in January, passing Bloemfontein, I phoned to test it. They got my details and told me I’d get a call when they’d got a signal. Wow, that’s nice, I don’t have to sit on the phone on hold waiting for them, I’ll just get a call back. Sofa king lucky for me ‘cos I’d still be on hold!

It happened again this Sunday on our way back from Bloemfontein. I phoned to test it, they got my details and told me to expect a call when they got a signal. Ahem. I’m still waiting for that call…

I’ve complained to four people, who just passed me on to the next, mouthing off the same story. I’m now waiting for a call from the branch owner in Bloemfontein who’s going to see what went wrong.

I’m not holding my breath.

Update: The Head of Netstar in Bloemfontein gave me a call and we had the following convo:
Braam: To test a vehicle, the vehicle must be in a main city.
Don: But what if my vehicle thieves don’t want to be in a main city?
Then he told me what they should’ve told me in the first place.
Braam: If a car is stolen, we send out the helicopter, and it becomes the control room. It costs thousands to send the chopper out, so when we test, it’s preferred if the vehicle is in a spot that’s easily accessible. After all, it is just a test to see if the tracking device is working.

As I said, if they’d just told me in the first place…

If you’re in the market for a new vehicle, and you’re looking to install a tracking system, get anything except a Netstar system.

They urge you to phone them at least once every six months to test that it’s working. So I did. On our way back from holiday in January, passing Bloemfontein, I phoned to test it. They got my details and told me I’d get a call when they’d got a signal. Wow, that’s nice, I don’t have to sit on the phone on hold waiting for them, I’ll just get a call back. Sofa king lucky for me ‘cos I’d still be on hold!

It happened again this Sunday on our way back from Bloemfontein. I phoned to test it, they got my details and told me to expect a call when they got a signal. Ahem. I’m still waiting for that call…

I’ve complained to four people, who just passed me on to the next, mouthing off the same story. I’m now waiting for a call from the branch owner in Bloemfontein who’s going to see what went wrong.

I’m not holding my breath.

Update: The Head of Netstar in Bloemfontein gave me a call and we had the following convo:
Braam: To test a vehicle, the vehicle must be in a main city.
Don: But what if my vehicle thieves don’t want to be in a main city?
Then he told me what they should’ve told me in the first place.
Braam: If a car is stolen, we send out the helicopter, and it becomes the control room. It costs thousands to send the chopper out, so when we test, it’s preferred if the vehicle is in a spot that’s easily accessible. After all, it is just a test to see if the tracking device is working.

As I said, if they’d just told me in the first place…