I’ll start by saying that the whole experience overall was phenomenal. We were treated like gold, spoiled in every way possible and won’t forget it. Ever. Thanks to Visa for making it such a rad experience.

But, the reason for this post, however, is to explain what happened just 30 minutes into our flight from Johannesburg to Singapore (our connecting flight to Beijing).

Once the seatbelt signs had been switched off, Sam reclined her chair (as you do) to get comfy and read her book. Not long after that, the guy sitting behind her started to kick the back of her chair. She turned to him with that ‘Please stop kicking the chair’ look, and he stopped, for a minute. Then he started kicking it harder, so much so that it started to annoy me in the next chair. After a monster kick Sam turns around and says ‘Why are you kicking my chair?’ And this is how the convo went:

Guy: I have nowhere to put my legs.

Sam: So just ask me to put my seat up a little. Don’t be so rude.

Guy: Well, there’s no space for my legs.

Sam lifts her seat.

Five minutes later…

Guy (to me): Sorry, please can you lift your seat? My wife has no space for her legs.

Me: Sure, no problem. What you could try do is cross your legs so that they fit snug underneath the chair in front of you. That’s what I do.

Wife: Well I can’t because I get clots in legs, so just have a bit of consideration and leave it alone okay?

Me: Well, consideration works both ways. If I want to have my seat…

Guy (interrupts me): Hey just listen here…

Wife (interrupts him, pointing her finger at me): I’m twice your age so just shut up!

Me (my voice raised): Hey lady, don’t you ever speak to anyone like that ever again, who the hell do…

Guy (interrupts me): Listen my friend don’t speak to my wife like that.

Me (still raised voice): Well she shouldn’t speak to people she doesn’t know like that!

They both wave me off. Meanwhile, Sam has left to find a stewardess to find us other seats. I turn around to speak to them again.

Me: Listen, we have to spend another ten hours on this plane together, why don’t we all just calm down and everyone can be happy.

Guy: Ja fine.

Sam gets back with a stewardess. Relays the saga a little louder than needed, stewardess whispers she’ll get us to another area of the plane.

The end result of the argument: We got seats right in front of the plane, with plenty of leg room. Awesome.

Now, although the new seats were much better than our originals, the journey there was not much fun. I hate fighting with people, especially people I don’t know, and especially over something as juvenile as kicking the back of a seat.

What we later realised is that this couple was part of a bigger group. They were with the guy who mocked the oriental stewardess when she asked him, in broken English, where his seat is so she could help him get there. They were with the other guys who walked around the plane, when most people were sleeping, finding their friends and talking too loud. They were also with the guy who, when was told he can’t have another whiskey and soda (his speech and eyes told me he’d had his fair share) because breakfast was about to be served, told the stewardess that she’s not his mother, and she should get him another drink.

So after realising they were all part of a group, Sam and I set out trying to find out who they were with. After hearing the company name a few times in drunken conversation, I confirmed it when we landed.

Me: So are you guys on a business trip together?

Guy (senior-looking, and very sober): Ja I’m taking my guys to the Olympics.

Me: Just fun or incentive?

Guy: These are the top sales guys at Discovery.

What? Top sales? Sales where you actually speak to someone, make them believe your product is worth the money and get them to sign up?

Ok. So none of these guys actually sold me anything, but their behaviour was so shocking that I’m reconsidering my account. And these are the top guys? I’m horrified.

My overall learnings from the whole event:

1. People who kick chairs obviously don’t fly much.

2. Don’t offer people advice while flying. They feel bad that they know less than you and then start an argument.

3. People who kick chairs and start arguments are of significant importance, because if they were someone special or senior, they would have handled the situation with a lot more discipline and common sense.

4. When someone tells you they’re twice your age, and then tells you to ’shut up’, just remember physical age is very different to mental age. Only a six-year-old tells you to ’shut up’ when having an argument.

5. There are hundreds of other people sitting on the same plane with exactly the same leg room. If they can do it, so can you. If it’s that terrible, or you clot, fly business class next time, cheapo.

6. People that drink all night on an aeroplane and are extremely rude to stewardesses, are arseholes.

7. Discovery’s top sales team has a bunch of bad apples. I think they need to re-look who they’re paying to kill their brand with their rudeness.

8. No matter what you do, where you are, people will write about you if you do something silly.

* Update: Lee (the senior guy) phoned and said he felt really bad about what happened. He had no idea that it occurred until someone referred him to this post. Lee, thanks very much, I wasn’t looking for an apology, just to let everyone know what can happen on trips and be mindful in the future, but it’s really nice to know that some people still care. You rock.

* Update 2: The response from Discovery has been outstanding. Feedback after speaking to their guys, addressing something like this with the utmost importance. Again, I’m really chuffed that they’ve investigated into it to hopefully keep things like representing your company and brand top of mind when in the public arena.

Well done guys. If this helps your business, and any other business after reading about what can happen, we’re all winners. Group hug!

Better get some good listening music for the months to come, traffic’s gonna get worse!

From The Star:

“Road-widening will be intensifying on the N1 highway, between the Rivonia and the 14th Avenue exits, for the next few weeks.”

“Traffic is going to be a nightmare when all these projects are in full swing, but I am very excited when I think of the end result. When these major infrastructure upgrades are completed at the end of 2010, Joburg will have taken huge strides towards becoming a truly world-class city.

So think of the benefits when you are stuck in a traffic jam in the coming months, and please, let’s all be patient and courteous.”

Enjoy.

True story.

They will find you a hotel anywhere, yes, anywhere. Except of course if you want to go to Africa.

That doesn’t count…!