There is a local record company that I feel are going to be collapsing soon. And, I can’t say I’m upset about it.

If you take the attitude of ‘if you don’t like us, we’re not going to let you give us money anymore’, you’re going to crash. Obviously. Especially if there are many, many customers who leap willingly into that category.

These guys ostracise anybody who speaks out against their tactics, business ethics, managing skills or them as individuals. And I’m talking from experience. My band were signed to them for a lengthy period of time, because they are the biggest independent company in this country. Well, at least they were. Now we’re seeing the rise of groups such as Authentic Ideas, who are putting effort into looking after their artists, and the people who pay them: the fans. Nice. Fewer and fewer artist/consumers, including myself, will have anything to do with their prison rules, underhanded business, and vocally make our opinions known. Because of this, we are all banned from any show they put on, even as audience members. That’s a lot of money to lose. They are actively destroying all their support! Even international acts have complained about them.

Not only do they not appreciate being told how awful they are, but they also continue to get worse. I think MacDonalds tried something like this once, but they at least realised their gargantuan, glaring error.

Let’s look at the feasibility of this as a business plan…

Dear MTN,

Thanks for ignoring my ‘change of details’ emails, for getting charged over R100 because you debited the wrong account, and then make me wait on the line for over 20 minutes on three separate occasions, bounced between your quarter-witted call centre staff with only Boyzone to keep me company.

Seriously. Wake up. In the mind of the happy MTN subscriber this lower-level incompetence should not leave a bad impression of your services as a whole… but it does.

“Jy’s die girl vir wie ek soek,
Jy’s die cherrie op my sjokolade koek”

These were the words to the closing song on the local dial-in Afrikaans music program, Belboks, as sung by the local cowboy-like country ‘groepie’, Die Cambells. You’ve noticed that high-way traffic slows near a car accident? This show nets its viewers using this exact principle.

There I was, calmly flipping through my 5 channels in the near pointless search for something interesting, when I got stuck (more than likely with thousands of other innocents) on Belboks. And I could not change the channel. It was fascinating.

I don’t know what it is about the infantile wording (see above), badly composed midi backtrack, Ed Wood-esque editing techniques/budget video’s, and the Pep store apparel that makes Afrikaans music so darn watchable. Even if only for the horror effect. And no, I don’t mean all Afrikaans music, as there are many local artists around that actually have a lot of talent But darn-skippy, I do mean most of them.

With the amount and quality of music out there, both locally and internationally, you would think that the Afrikaans music product would have to improve in order to sell. I mean, it’s a highly competitive market. But being a CD-store ex-pat, I know that it does regardless. Well. And, it’s obviously big enough in this country to warrant a prime-time show about it. I have theories as to why, but they’re tenuous at best. Here goes:

As a fairly unique people (Afrikaans is really only spoken in Southern Africa), I think that they listen to this ‘music’ because they feel a need to separate themselves as a people, and will hold on to anything that is uniquely theirs. the Scots have the kilt, the Zulu’s have their dancing, the Dutch have windmills. The Afrikaans have been kicked around as much as anybody in this country, and I believe they are still fighting for identity.

I’m just glad that with the localisation of Afrikaans, this particular identity will probably not spread beyond the shore of its home, like SARS did, and I hope that the only person it will kill, is me.

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!

I think I’ve had all the Nige and Bob a man can take. I can’t say the entire campaign has been a flop, I’m sure it did great things for your brand, however it’s time to let go… move on. Your agency are really bleeding this dry, perhaps you have to let go there too.

Yours on bended knee,

Rich…!